Dear Readers,
When I first started on my journey for the World Race I was beyond excited to venture out of my comfort zone and into someone else's everyday struggles. After getting excepted I felt nervous to commit because it wasn't just a thought or dream of going to these dangerous countries to spread the good news. It was real. I immediately let those tiny challenging thoughts of "I can't do this because…" get the best of me. I could be here all night listing the reasons why Im scared to go on this trip, but then I realized that this is so much bigger than me and my fears. Boy, did God give me a reality check when I came to the conclusion that this race just wasn't built for people like me.
That night I went to Rayna's Baptizmal Service with every intension of telling her that maybe I was just the string to connect her to this journey that would humble and open her up to a world of love, hope and faith. Little did I know, God had a greater plan. As we began to worship though music, I felt thankful that God had chosen me and cared for me so much that he wasn't taking fear or NO as an answer to his plan for me. After trying to fight back the tears in fear that my mascara would run profusely down my freshly put together face. I just surrendered myself to him. I opened my heart and ears to what he was trying to tell me. The Pastor started to speak and the first thing he started talking about was obedience. He went on to tell us all about how his journey of obedience started as a young man learning and teaching the word. How he also was terrified to actually listen to his father about starting a church. He knew it would mean sacrifice, hard work, diligence and that through his journey God would provide where he needed. After 20 years of a successful following at his church, the pastor went on to say he was soooo ready to retire. Whelp, yet again God had a bigger plan and this time the Pastor was like "really? You want me to join the field?". As he went on talking the big screen filled up with a list of over like 20 countries… The pastor turned to the screen, then turned back to us and said " these are the countries I have been to in the past 2 years…joining the field was exactly what I did not want to hear. I thought my work was done and that's where I was wrong. Your work for the Lord is never finished. You can never be to close in your relationship with him." He went on to say how we each have three voices that follow us in our journey of life; your own, which holds your material and humanly wants. Confusion, this is the voice of Satan filling you with doubt,fear and guilt. Then you have Gods, that fills you with truth,understanding and clarity. At that point in the service, I was a reck, I had lost control of my tear ducks. It wasn't tears of joy, fear or sadness, they were tears I've had once before, tears of truth, comfort and love. That was god warming my heart and letting me know that he would be with me every step of the way. I was in such emotional shock that I was seeing things so clear. It was a mind blowing feeling to have such confidence in yourself through his love.
I knew I had my work cut out for me between fundraising, mentally preparing myself for this journey and mostly having support from my family and friends. My family is one that fights hard and loves harder. We are subborn in our own ways and it kills me that they aren't really supporting me. They want me to focus on my career. They think I am reaching for anything because things in NYC didn't work out for me. They couldn't be more wrong. I can only pray that in time God opens their hearts and comforts their minds. I know they are only acting out in fear of uncertainty. With that said I ask anyone that is reading this to say a prayer for my family in their time of doubt.
Til next time,
Jordynn
P.s. I promise I'll make the next post a little more uplifting 😉
