So it’s been 9 months since I’ve written a blog.
& to catch you up, I’m home.
I have tried to write this blogs so many times and in so many ways. And have actually had this blog written for a while but felt like I couldn't post it. Probably cause I wasn't ready to grasp onto the content that is in it.
I've been home for 3 months. And it’s been HARD. Everything about it has been hard.
Adjusting back to America has been way harder than it ever was adjusting anywhere around the world.
I had been wondering why I can never finish my meals,
why I’m freezing in the middle of the summer in Florida,
why no one wants to take pictures with me or of me at the mall,
why the cashier at 7/11 wouldn’t even go down 50 cents on the price of my coke zero,
why everyone kept on telling me they had a dishwasher,
and why at church the pastor didn’t call me up with no notice to preach a 2 hour inspiring sermon—yo man cant you see I’m eagerly waiting for your intro down here in the 3rd row??
Although the initial shock is gone and over, and I’m now confident about what side of the road you're suppose to drive on –I’m still riding on the after waves of returning home.
Its hard to go from 11 months of raw, real, challenging community to … none.
Its hard to be leading bible studies, preaching at churches, constantly leading things and teaching people to just … not
Its hard from growing so much so fast and having 10 years worth of experiences, relationships, and growth to…seemingly nothing.
Now after 3 months of a HARD transition and 10 million things going on my head, with no idea what I’m doing next … the one way I can wrap all this up is SEASONS.
Seasons has been one of the main subjects constantly talked about in my life for the past 6 months. It started to get cliché a while ago :
For everything there is a season..
–I get that
Seasons are not to just hold your breath and close your eyes until you get to the other side. They are intentional and very purposeful.
–And even that is nice and more helpful.. but that can be so hard to apply when your in the middle of a seemingly sucky season.
Each season possesses its own struggles and its own breathtaking beauty.
The heat of summer is blazing, but there is so much life flourishing.
Winter is cold and everything is dead, there is much tranquility.
In Autumn everything begins to fall off and die, but it is alive with color.
Spring brings the rain, but blossoms and births new immature life, and re-awakens the mature.
At the very end of the race and coming home I was in the Season of Autumn . Everything was BEAUTIFUL. It was so colorful and vibrant. I had grown so much from the race and had become a different person. But as in autumn when things start falling away – my race was over and things of the race was coming to its end . And instead of embracing the beauty of that season, I feared for winter. I feared for what would happen if everything did eventually fall and die off.
l feared I'd lose my race community..
…than loose my joy..
…then un-do everything that has happened to me this year..
…then lose my worth…
…All based off of false irrational lies that seem so real and true.
And my fear time warped me right into the middle of winter. Totally missing the beauty of Autumn.
And it’s been hard. I've gotten lost.
I’ve been looking around in the middle of this forest and it seems like I see nothing, and hear nothing.
Now its time to get some Solomon- wisdom up in here and finally open my eyes to this season thing, apply it, and proclaim it.
Instead of fearing the winter, waiting eagerly for spring to come, for the snow to melt, and new life to birth…
— I will live this season differently–
Even though the winter is cold, and it's dry, and I don’t see any life, and I don’t know how long it will last…
I know that there are some creatures that come alive in the cold.
These creatures are SO much made for the cold that they do this thing called…Aestivation. Which means they hibernate in the summer. They were created for the cold and their instincts come alive in it.
They arise in even the coldest temperatures.
They are made to find the scarce food buried far beneath the snow.
They were made to flourish with the brisk chill biting their faces.
They don’t just survive through the winter.. they thrive.. they were meant for this season.
And just like those creatures. There are aspects of me that were made for this season.
FAITH that has been building up and storing to fiercely take on the cold,
TRUST that has been firmly instilled in me that is dying to come to the front lines,
HOPE that has been eagerly waiting for its chance to break out and bring warmth,
JOY that has been welling up for its chance to sing loud amongst the silence.
…I too, have been made for this season.
Instead of fearing the winter, waiting eagerly for spring to come and new life to birth and for the snow to melt…
I need to unleash the beasts.
They’ve been waiting to arise and THRIVE.
Instead of keeping them in a cage made out of bars of fear ,while I’m stuck shivering in the snow… I need to let them out!
I’ve been made for the season. Every season. The blazing hot of summer to the bone chilling cold of winter to everything in between.
I gotta let go of the keys, and let my “beasts” take over.
They’ll find life in the dead of winter.
They’ll bring guidance and worthiness with the new immature, awakening life of spring
They’ll bring refreshment and ease in the blazing heat of summer
They’ll bring surpassing hope with the falling leaves of autumn.
Embrace the seasons. Drop the fear and worry. Find the Beauty.
Unleash what the Lord has instilled in you me,
He's dying for you me to get out of the way so He can take over
Spirit Break Out.
You Make Me Brave.
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