Humble:
1.not proud or arrogant
2.having a feeling of insignificance, inferiority, subservience, etc.
One of the reasons I came on the World Race was to change. –to kick bad habits and instill good ones, to better myself into a woman of God .There are characteristics I've been striving for..
1. Strength,
2. Boldness
3. Patience
4. Gentleness
5. Humbleness (which is actually a word in some dictionaries)
That last one really gets me. To be Humble. It’s so unique amongst other characters in a list of attributes to better ourselves with.
You can say.. I’m very strong. I’m very patience. I’m very smart.
I’m very humble…doesn’t sound right
Humility is a catch 22/22. The moment you realize you’re a humble person, is the moment in which you have lost the characteristic.
Now I’m not talking about a surface kind of humble—but a deep down humble ..down to the core that isn’t necessarily acted out – where the deep pride battle ripping us in two deep deep down is nonexistent. A pure and genuine humility.
It is a characteristic we can master,
but have to master it without knowing you even possess it.
Can you even achieve genuine humility to the point where it is so much a part of you that you do not even recognize it is there?
Is genuine, pure humility attainable?
So with putting all these million thoughts aside I’ve still been striving for it.
I’ve prayed and prayed,
"God,
Show me my true heart, may I never become stagnate in my growth and satisfied with who I am. Show me my faults, higher my standards – show me what I need to work on, show me who I am deep deep down without you- so that I may be humble and never be proud.
—And so He did… like always.. And my true heart… is UGLY
My heart is filled with a conditional love, and subjective compassion. A love with borders and limits, with selfish motives and agendas steering its actions. My tendencies are despicable. My true heart, only cares about myself and will stomp on anybody for it.
My love ends too short
My patience and gentleness gets suck dry
My compassion stops too abruptly.
I just got one ugly, dirty, little shriveled heart.Deep down. You may not see it– but deep within myself I feel the battle raging within me.
So needless to say I felt like crap after God showed me the nitty gritty of my heart. I was not proud, nor arrogant, I DEF. felt insignificant and inferior. For a few days,based on the definition, I can say that I achieved genuine humility, and didn’t even know it. Then the moment came where I realized I was humble and found pride in that and that just took me back to square one…fail.
How can you master or posses something that
your acknowledgment brings out of existence?
So even if humility is attainable.. Is it sustainable..?
I said to my self “Man.. In order to stay humble will I always have to feel so crappy about myself? To deal with this constant state of inferiority and lowliness? “
Than to be humble you would have to always feel so lowly about yourself–so humbleness would not even be worth having because it would be so depressing.
Even if humility is attainable and sustainable… is it worth having?
Humble: Adj.: A self-deprecating, depressing characteristic
impossible to achieve nor sustain.
This all seems impossible. Because it is….for you.
But Jesus makes is possible.
I know I will NEVER be good enough. Loving enough. Compassionate enough.
But where my love falls short ——-> His takes over
Where my compassion fails ———>His shines through
When my selfishness takes over ———->His perfectness proceeds
There is no hope in me. Complete Hope in Him
It’s the state of a hopeful kind of humble, that isn’t just a characteristic we can posses but an actual attribution that is apart of who we are, in every since of the word.
Its being in a constant state of humility because apart from Christ, I am literally NOTHING. But at the same time can have hope in that because with Him I can now mirror EVERYTHING He is!
Its Laying flat on your face at the foot of the cross crying out, “I cant do this”.
and Him picking you up and whispering, “I know… But I Can”.
Is a hopeful kind of humble…
…I’ll tell you when I get there..
The Quest to Humility is a journey worth traveling in of itself.
