Damaged goods.
That’s how I was described after my divorce, by a man that I considered my ‘friend’.
This ‘friend’ told me that my divorce would keep me from ever getting married again, that no man (including him) would look at me as a potential wife because I was…
Damaged goods.
It’s ridiculous how two small words can impact your self-image in such a powerful way.
Damaged goods.
It’s funny how many different emotions come with being rejected.
Damaged goods.
With that short phrase my feelings were crushed, my confidence was erased, my heart was shattered.
Damaged goods.
I believed it.
Then training camp happened.
I had a crazy awesome encounter with the Living God. He opened my eyes to feelings that I had tried to bury. I literally felt the weight of my past and all of the pain that I was carrying around fall off of me. I actually felt forgiven, and my heart felt full of forgiveness towards people that I claimed to hate.
My squad mom, Joey (better known as JoMama), told me that the trials that I have faced have made me into a fighter and God will use me to fight for other people that are headed down the same destructive path that I walked down. She spoke life over me, she told me that she loved me, and told me that she was proud of me.
I had been drug through the mud, kicked while I was down, and completely disrespected. I had held on to unforgiveness and resentment towards people that had hurt me, especially men. I dwelled on feelings that originated in my childhood, followed me into my teenage years, and played a starring role in my failed marriage.
When you base your identity on someone else’s opinion, lies will always embed themselves in your mind. I had tried my best to harden my heart to make sure any pain that I may feel wouldn’t bother me. I had been so strong and had done such a great job at making sure people knew that “I didn’t need anyone!” In reality, I only needed the One. I was screaming for someone to love me, but continuously pushing the perfect love away. I was searching for someone to pursue me, but running from God’s relentless pursuit.
I may be considered damaged goods to some people…
But my God takes broken and makes it beautiful. My God creates beauty from ashes. He makes all things new. He restores. He redeems.
He healed my heart. He comforted me. He forgave me so that I could forgive others.
I experienced spiritual healing at Training Camp.
I dove head first into God’s grace.
Through these hard times I learned that I was stronger than I ever imagined, Jesus was closer than I ever realized, and I was loved more than I ever knew.
