Last night I got a text from Ryan asking me if I wanted to go to a college group Bible study with him. I needed to refocus, so I said yes. Ryan picked me up and we stopped halfway there to pick up another one of his friends. When we pulled up in the drive, his friend’s little brother came running to the car. He’s 10 years old and had a huge smile on his face. He told us he had just been swimming and wanted to go to with us. He also told us that he had been to Sunday school twice before. Ryan told him to go ask his big brother, and ten minutes later he came running to the car all dressed up and ready to go. I didn’t really think much of it and just smiled at the scene of this little guy wanting to join his big brother in everything he does. Being a little brother myself, I couldn’t help but reminisce on similar times I had tagged along with my older sisters.
The 4 of us sat on the front row as we started to worship together, singing along with the band. By the time the second song hit the chorus, this 10 year old was sitting in his chair, with a tear rolling down his cheek. I caught him out of the corner of my eye, and didn’t give too much thought to it. By the third chorus, this little boy was crying steadily, and Ryan had gone over to talk to him while the song continued.
The band started playing “Hungry” next, and as the chorus was played over and over:
I’m falling on my knees
offering all of me
Jesus, You’re all this heart is living for
broken I run to You
for Your arms are open wide
I am weary but I know Your touch restores my life
so I’ll wait for You
so I’ll wait for You
I closed my eyes (just something I always do when in the middle of deep worship) and sang along. When I opened them again, this little boy had fallen on his knees on the floor and was weeping uncontrollably. He pressed his face closer and closer to the ground, head bowed in the presence of our Rock, our Savior. At this point, I am standing there singing this chorus line over and over and feeling its meaning deep inside my heart, but the scene of this child on his knees overcome with the presence of God changed me forever. What happened next, made my heart melt…As this little boy was knelt with tears rolling down his face, his big brother, who’s 23, got on his knees right next to his brother and put his hands on him, and held him close. In that moment I saw exactly what Jesus is doing when we are heartbroken, when we are on our knees crying desperate for mercy. Jesus is our big brother, he is the one who feels what we feel, who cares for us deeper than we can even grasp.
Later last night Ryan told me that those two brothers’ father was shot and killed last month.
On the ride home the boy told us that he felt someone beside him. He physically had felt a hand on his arm as he sat in his chair as we were worshiping. Amongst the pain of losing his father, he had broken down and fallen to his knees because he was overcome by an unknown presence. The good news and the truth is that this presence is not a mystery. The Holy Spirit is at work and busy in our lives… in the lives of children that don’t even know God.
God is HERE and is not just standing in the background watching us, His hands are on our shoulders, comforting us when our lives are full of hurt and pain. He will bring us to our knees in tears of overwhelming presence if we will just let him. It seems with each year we mature, we lose more and more innocence and put up a bigger wall, trying to block out all things emotional. We try to protect against feeling vulnerable to most things…sadly, even our Father.
Somehow we have mistaken Christianity as a life of comfort and ease. All you have to do is look at the stories of men and women in the Bible to realize that there is nothing “safe” about living for Christ. As a true Christian we must constantly be vulnerable to EVERYTHING God throws at us. When we ask God to move in our lives, when we beg God to change us, we have to be prepared for the reality that follows. God moves in very deliberate tangible ways, and if we truly embrace Him as our Father, then we must be ready for life-change!
And Jesus said: “I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like
little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.
– Matthew 18:3
