Yes, tis true. I leave the city I’ve called home for 24 years in less than a week. Next Thursday at 7:00am I board a plane and begin my trek to D.C. and eventually the world. My emotions, and my heart, are split at times. This journey excites me. Is something I’ve prayed about, thought about, talked about every day since early July. Even ‘off days’ seemed to trickle back to this journey.
I want to go and experience all that this journey has, both known and unknown. I want to partner with the work God is already doing in these countries. I want to see lives saved, chains unshackled, and hearts softened.
I wish I could add two or three friends to my packing list, though. I want to be here with friends and family during some life changing moments that will happen in the coming year.
It makes me happy that it’s difficult to say bye to the people I know around me. Some I’ll definitely see soon after getting back (or at least I hope); some I’m not sure when we’ll cross paths again. If I left without hesitation of what I’m leaving, I don't know if that'd be a good thing.
Leaving community is hard. I'll admit that, at least for me, it's partly because my relational tendency causes me to put too much weight in my community. To expect more than I should. More than these faults, it's difficult to leave because you’ve all come to know how to celebrate and assist well through life for each other. Community is a great thing. But the community that has taught me how great it is, is the same community I’m leaving. Learning how to do it again will take time.
(*Shameless plug: please keep in contact with me! Let me know what's going on in your life.*)
The trick is to not try to replicate or duplicate what you had. Because what you had is great, but if you limit yourself to your past then you stagnate your growth and restrict your future. You restrain yourself to your past, and how you perceive it. You contain yourself to only one experience. One type of life.
Although related more to the journey as a whole, something a resident said to me brings me peace about this transition. (For the past six months I worked for an affordable housing company based in Austin. They had me doing office duties for one of their Austin properties starting in September. The residents were absolutely fabulous and I believe from the bottom of my heart that God placed me there to prepare me and offer me some of my strongest prayer supporters for this trip. But more about that another time.)
Matthew 6:34: Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.
I consider what joy I’ll discover in service and camaraderie; what sadness I’ll experience from heartache and poverty; what fullness the Lord will show me in Him and His inheritance; what emptiness I’ll endure in times of loneliness and discomfort.
Clearly I’m not doing too well with that verse.
But the Lord has prepared me and will continue to prepare me for what He calls me, calls all of us, to. Those I’ll partner with will challenge me in new ways; will give me new insight into God and His Kingdom. He has called me to learn and experience Him in this specific way for the next year. Although it would be nice and comfortable to take those along with me that I’ve learned with over the past five years, learning to learn without them is part of this process. Knowing that ultimately all I need is Jesus is part of this. Everything else is just detail and grace.
So, in my mixed emotions, I ask for your continued prayers for my team, my squad, our parents, family, our friends and me. Pray that people (both sending and going) experience peace and comfort with their final goodbyes and feel loved, appreciated, cared for, and supported going into the Race.
Time to get back to packing!
