Every person I love will someday break my heart. It may not be an absolute rupture—perhaps it will be only a tiny little fracture, a small burning pain to remind me how fragile human feelings can be. Either way, it will hurt.
I know that no one I love is perfect and that I am incapable of meeting the world with a dispassionate and logical heart. I’m going to get hurt, and that’s just the way it is.
You might say, If I really believed that all relationships are destined to include heartbreak, you might ask why I bother to pursue relationships at all.
I’ll admit that I’ve asked myself that question once or twice. I’ve been tempted to believe that I’m better off alone, More safe with no one but the Lord for company in a world where heartbreak lurks around every corner, but I’ve learned that the relationships that seem to cause my heartache aren’t really the root of the problem.
The problem is that pain is simply a part of human nature, and therefore avoiding community won’t spare me from heartache.
Yes, our hearts will be break but our relationships have the potential to give us a powerful and positive return that outweighs any loss.
The people I love are bound to hurt me and are certain to let me down at times, but I also know that they will brighten my day and bring me comfort when I need it. They will help me when I cannot get by on my own and celebrate with me when i succeed. They will help me be a better person than I could be on my own.
Jesus formed special relationships with 12 men. One of these men betrayed him to the chief priests for money. One of them denied even knowing him, and the other 10 were scattered after his arrest. As far as I know, only one of them was present at his execution and the rest hid away, terrified that they would be next. These men misunderstood Jesus and abandoned him.
Yet I believe that the scriptures says that Jesus counted his relationship with them as far beyond worth it. Jesus was not sorry he loved these men, and despite their failings they loved him in return.
Eleven of them worked their asses off for Jesus’ after his resurrection, serving him until their own deaths. Yes, the disciples broke Jesus’ heart when they failed him, but when they followed him and advanced the kingdom in his name, they brought Jesus special joy. Jesus loved and counted on these men because it was in his nature to do this, because he knew no other way to be himself and to live up to the nature of God within him.
I have tried putting aside trust in an effort to protect myself. I have attempted to care less and to watch from the safety of the sidelines. I have fancied myself strongest when I was alone and independent. And yet, when I tried to be and do these things, I did not feel like myself. To deny love and trust was to deny the deepest part of myself, the part that wants to be like Christ. Shutting myself off from others was never going to make me safe. All it would do is change the flavor of my heartbreak, not eliminate it, and in doing so, isolate me from the very love and support that could help me through some of my deepest darkest pain.
I have accepted that I am going to get hurt, that I’m surrounded by people that are going to let me down, some time or another, but I also know that I am also going to feel joy and companionship and love. My trust will be rewarded more than it is betrayed. I have learned that when my heart breaks, clinging to my relationships instead of shoving them away will provide the healing. I need to mend my broken heart and continue on in the love I’ve learned from Jesus.
His heart was broken and yet He prevailed. Through His grace, I will follow in His footsteps.
Love Texas.
