“He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose.” Jim Elliot
While we were worshipping this morning this quote popped into my head and it broke me. It made me think of the world race and what I gave up for 9 months and how hard that was.
But that’s not the point of the quote and, for me, that wasn’t the point of the world race.
The quote isn’t about stuff or other people. It’s about me. It’s about you. It’s about our lives.
Will we give up our lives to gain Him, Jesus, the giver of life?
I heard about the race in April and I convinced myself it wasn’t for me. I ignored around 17 phone calls from AIM telling me that I was accepted because I was in denial…and I knew there was something wrong.
I had no peace.
I had told God, “I’ll do anything and follow you anywhere! Just don’t call me to be a missionary.”
And so in June I finally picked up the phone and now, a year later, it’s still June and God’s still calling.
For me the world race wasn’t about the direction the next year of my life would take. I was determining the direction of the rest of my life.
Was I going to live for myself or was I going to live for God and pour myself out for His people?
And now I’m at project searchlight and God is still asking me the same question. Being home has been great! Extremely weird, but great. I’ve gained back all the things I let go of but my life is still His. And yet…I’m not at peace.
God has put a burden on my heart for the Middle East and just for all the brokenness there. There is so much hate and violence and so my potential for reconciliation. God made this extremely clear for me in Africa and yet, I have been trying to forget ever since.
“Hold everything in hands lightly, otherwise it hurts when God pries your fingers open.”
Corrie ten Boom
And there I was, grasping for safety, comfort, and security and not willing to let it go again. I once again found myself under the cruel slave master of fear and observing the life I wanted to lead through bars instead of living it myself.
But every single session and song has been like a defibrillator trying to bring my passionless and slowly beating heart back to life.
“Let go my soul and trust in Him, the waves and wind still know his name.”
*Clear!*
“It is well with my soul.”
*Clear!*
“I’ve never had clarity, all I’ve ever had is trust” (Mother Teresa)
*Clear!*
“Will you give up your life to show them love?”
And after that question my heart is beating and I’m gasping for air and all I can do is cry out, “Yes! Yes lord…yes.”
And now I have peace.
