This doesn't feel real… at all. People told me this would happen and that it would appear as a dream. They were right. Something happens to your brain after 11 months of nomadic living. You find yourself still living out of your pack just waiting for the next location to be announced. Where to next?
I started this blog on the plane to my 12th country, my 12th culture… HOME.
Will transition be hard? Have I changed that much? Has my perspective shifted?
Only time will tell.
All day I've experienced waves of anxiety, like physical waves of angst passing through my body. I just take a deep breath and remind Jesus I need Him. Well more like, I remind myself I need Jesus.
Life is such a weird cycle of events.
//School, prom, graduation, college, finals, applications, first day of work, promotion, first date, wedding, honeymoon, children, vacations, holiday parties, soccer games, and it continues onto your own children's graduations, wedding, etc.//
Life leads you to challenges you never think you will get through, but you do and then the cycle continues.
The season of life I was in last year led me to the Race. I needed change, I needed awakening, I wanted answers, I wanted to be wrecked of the ordinary.
And now here I am sitting on an Emirates airplane, (the first of three before I land in LA) and my mind is swirling with thoughts about the cycle of life.
This season is ending and another is beginning. That's the way it goes. Life doesn't stop because I just got my world rocked for the past year… "Umm, excuse me world, can't you see I have some things to process here… Can’t a girl get a second?" Doesn't work like that and I don't believe it needs to.
I'm not thinking I need to rush into whatever is next. Not a chance. I'm waiting The Lord out for that revelation, but I land soon (in 26 hours exactly) and life is waiting.
Friends, family, strangers, decisions, responsibility, but most importantly Jesus. Jesus is there. He's always there. Does it really matter what the next season holds when I know who holds it? NO. It doesn't.
The cycle will always continue, but the common denominator of a life with Jesus is just that, a life WITH Jesus. And how sweet that is.
If I've learned anything this past year it's that nothing else matters. People in every country, every culture are looking for hope, for The Hope. They look to witch doctors, sex or power to find it but of course they are left still hopeless.
Life with Jesus, that's it. And for so long I thought it a heavy, loaded path to follow, but I was wrong.
One night in South Africa my team was worshipping and I felt the spirit lead me to lie down on the floor and just remain there. Not stand or lift my hands in reverence, just be in the presence of Jesus. And I did. Shortly after I received a vision of Jesus and I lying on the side of a grassy mountain overlooking a beautiful valley below. No words were exchanged just the peace of being in His presence. Worship songs transitioned to Revelation Song. You know this song.. "Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God almighty…" I was instinctively compelled to stand to my feet and continue worshipping, but I didn't. Not because I didn't want to either, but because I felt my left hand glued to the ground. (May sound crazy) but Jesus was holding my hand keeping me with him. "Let everyone else stand, you need to stay here a little longer".
And He was right. (go figure)
That night something shifted in my heart, in my spirit. Jesus. It's always been about Jesus. It's not about arriving at the next season of life or how well you exit the one before. The cycle of life is hopeless without Jesus.
I’ve been home 6 days so far. I’ve eaten at 4 out of the 7 places I’ve craved all year. I’ve had a number of friends and family members visit me at my house to begin our “catching up” process. I’ve struggled with jet lag and stomach aches. I’ve missed my Race family.
So far, my 12th country, 12th culture is treating me well. I may have a long way to go with this transition, but at the end of the day I am happy to be home. I am happy the cycle of life is continuing.
The Race has officially ended but as far as the true race in concerned, I'm just rounding the corner.
Thank you all for following my journey over the past year. Your constant encouragement and love meant more to me than I could ever express. I hope to see every one of you within the next month or so. Stay tuned for a couple more blogs closing out the start of my transition home.
Love you all!
Jolene
“However, I consider my life worth nothing to me; if only I may finish finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—
the task of testifying to the good news of God’s grace.”
Acts 20:24
