I just finished reading A Million Miles in a Thousand Years by Donald miller. The book is about how he learned to live a better story. Chapter 22 tells of an adventurous hike he took to Machu Picchu in Peru years ago.
He talks about the miles and miles he had to hike, the blistered feet, the sore legs, the exhaustion. When he arrived to Machu Picchu he discovers that he could've taken a train or a bus to get through the city that would’ve spared his body miles of pain.
He then writes something that has stuck with me:
"The pain made the city more beautiful. The story made us different characters than we would have been if we had skipped the story and showed up at the ending an easier way".
Applying that to my race… with 24 days left I reflect back on so many moments. Some are moments of extreme joy and laughter and some are of unexpected pain and hurtful situations. Oddly enough, both bring a smile to my face. And I agree with what Donald Miller wrote. The pain made the journey more beautiful. The journey made me a different person than I would've been had I skipped the pain and showed up at the ending an easier way.
The race is often referred to as a Kingdom Journey. Seth Barnes, founder of AIM, wrote a book on it (which I recommend to anyone).
He describes a kingdom journey as having 3 main seasons: abandonment, brokenness and dependence.
You abandon your home, comforts, friends and family and enter into the unknown. You abandon your right to independence and privacy and join a close community of others on the same journey. You abandon your routine and structure and seek what the Kingdom of God is doing each day.
Once the fight of abandonment is over you finally come to terms that your daily surrender is really the only way to survive this journey. Then you find yourself in a place of brokenness. When all is stripped away and there is no more hiding behind our talents, our tolerance, our composed interactions, our ideas of God and a life following those beliefs we are left broken. Everything exposed… to you and to those around you. It's ugly. You've fought your whole life to be put together, to have your ducks in a row and to be strong, but on a kingdom journey that does you no good. In fact, God quickly has to flip that upside down in order to work on the heart, the true motivator of how you live your life.
The final season is dependence. And although before the race I wasn't too fond of this word, it has become a sweet assurance to me now. I may be a strong woman and a high capacity leader, but if I'm not careful with those gifts I can live life believing I am fully independent, no need for Jesus and his power. I would have never thought I operated in life without needing Jesus, but now I know that I did. Being broken to the core opened my eyes to my beautiful dependence on Jesus. I also realize my need for others. I couldn't have done this journey alone. I have a small army back home and with me on this Race that made it possible. This story couldn't have happened by myself. I had to let other people into the story with me, no longer making it just mine. My kingdom journey belongs to the community that believed in it with me.
With this particular journey coming to a close my mind swirls with ideas, thoughts, and questions. I’ve been hesitant with blogging about my processing because I felt it was more of rambling with no clear end in sight. But then I realized that those of you who have followed my journey the past year are with me to the end… unprocessed thought and all.
So I apologize for holding out on my process. I am walking through a lot and I appreciate you all being there for me. Please continue to keep me in prayer and I will be updating again soon.
Love you all,
Jolene
