So I don’t think there’s a need yet to share every single day. Without further ado, Day Four as recorded directly in my journal…
Today at lunch I had a plate with an extra amount of juices rolling around. As I tried to cut a tough piece of meat with my spoon – the only utensil – I accidentally tipped my plate slightly, allowing the juices to spill over the edge and onto the right leg of my jeans. I didn’t even notice at first, but rest assured my brothers quickly did. This episode was most definitely the highest point of handicap feeling of the first few days. Of course this would be a little embarrassing in any situation. But without being able to say anything at all, and left with only a dumb look on my face, the feeling of foolishness was complete. More jokes were made because of the silence and I just had to sit there and take it.
While this represented the worst handicap feeling to date, it certainly was not the first. Every time I pass one of our contacts or local citizens, I find myself quickly averting my eyes in a little shame as if I were some kind of a mutant. My mind instantly wanders to imagined perceptions of how others view me.
Church this morning wasn’t exactly the best either. Don’t get me wrong, Jacob rocked the sermon and I’m still impressed at his incredible boldness in calling out the legalism and sometimes lack of grace in the African church, as well as daringly touching on the topic of “moderation” in a place where that might not be completely understood and lead to confusion. But I’m just so ready for a change from the typical African church service. We arrived around ten and it was after twelve-thirty before Jacob got up to preach. I’m tired of every word being yelled into the microphone. I’m tired of the loud speakers being turned up to unnecessarily deafening levels, as if in hopes of bursting ear drums every time. I’m tired of sitting down, only to be asked to stand once more just two minutes later – again and again and again. I’m tired of “Amen” or “Hallelujah” following every, or at least every other, sentence.
At this point, I put the pen and pad away to hear Braedon’s open-air message. Just as Jacob in the morning, he gave a very bold message including many examples of Christian “moderation” contrasting the extremism that often comes more from Satan than from God.
I listened as best as I could, but before long there were swarms of kids surrounding me (and Dennis), leaving little escape. Eventually, some of the kids who spoke a little English began directly asking my name. Let me tell you, just staring back blankly is not much fun. Though for the most part I don’t care, there’s certainly a part of me that became very frustrated at allowing a group of small children to view me as the village idiot and knowing I can never “defend myself” to them. At the same time, I was able to relate to many of them without words, playing little games, making funny faces, and just generally conveying as much love as I could nonverbally. Plenty of joy was still found.
Whenever it comes to playing with kids around the world, I always become at least a little sad knowing that I will never know what becomes of their lives this side of Heaven. I just pray that they will grow to know God deeply and impact this world for His kingdom. And in 86 years – the designated time frame for our reunion in Heaven, shared with our contact from China – I can’t wait to hear the stories.
For all the frustrations of the day and readiness to depart the continent, I was quickly reminded how much I’ll miss this place and remember it fondly as I walked out in the dark just before dinner to pee. Another beautiful star-filled sky watches over us tonight. With 1.1 billion people, I can’t imagine our group will be set up in a more secluded area in India, able to gaze upon all the constellations. We certainly won’t have nearly the freedom to praise and I can imagine at least not everyone in INdia will be so friendly to a group of Americans. Though I can’t know anything for sure.
Africa has not been terrible by any means. I’m simply ready to move on for now. There are still many more places here I would like to explore, goals I would like to accomplish and resources I desire to give in this land. But those will all have to wait for another day…
