On the world race I had my heart opened wide to a world where everything was new. I saw things through teary eyes that gave me a glimpse of Heaven. I know that without a doubt God is faithful to the ends of the Earth, and that I’ll never have a neat little box for Him to fit into in my schedule ever again. I watched things happen that lined up with scripture that fiercely defied almost all the theological barricades I hid behind throughout my life.
I also struggled and stumbled a great deal, and grew immensely, planting my feet more firmly in Jesus than I ever have in my life. At times I felt incomplete and at times I felt completely whole, both good and bad this trip took a toll on my soul.
Ive learned that its one hundred percent okay to not be okay.
If the World Race has taught me anything it’s to have scandalous grace not only for others but for especially for my scruffy looking self. I’m a mess and I don’t have a thing together, but that’s okay, because Jesus holds all things together.
I’m “two” tired(like a bike) and drained, and even though I’m stateside I haven’t slowed down yet. I was home for a few weeks, and then I came down to Georgia to serve at Training Camp. I was on the other side of things being on serve team. Training camp is a powerful experience for every world racer at the start of their journey, but being behind the scenes is just as powerful. Worshiping Jesus in a room full of people about to go out and shape the world for the Gospel is a liberating, uplifting thing. I was in that room a little over a year ago ready to go, and being there again filled me with that same feeling, and even though I’m on the flip-side of things God took me back to the beginning, and began restoring me from the head to heart.
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“What are you gonna do now?” is a question that has dived like David Boudia off the tongues of almost everyone I talk to. A bunch of answers have fallen from my lips, but I wasn’t sure of any of them. I’m still processing all that I’ve done in this past year because It’s really astounding how much life I’ve experienced in just eleven months. I honestly didn’t know the answer to that question when I came to Georgia. My desire for myself and my fellow world racers coming off the field is for us to be focused on intimately knowing The Way instead of worrying about which way we should go or getting our own way.
The World isn’t set up for us to continue journeying with the Lord. Everything around us screams we aren’t BLANK enough. On the World Race we lived in the safety of community where we were loved on our good days and our bad days, not worrying about the artificial blanks the world tells us to fill in.
We have an enemy that wants to choke out any power we may have to shape the world for the better. I actually believe he would love to see us stay in little safety nets of community for the rest of our lives instead of stepping out and really changing things. Community is a great thing, but we can create it wherever we go as we bring the good news of Jesus in our actions and words.
This enemy we have is one that trembled in terror as we traveled and worshipped Jesus and brought kingdom from churches in Gulu to the Pokhara, to coffee shops in Phnom Pen. Now were home and all that overflow of Jesus in our lives can be potentially blocked up. If a river gets stopped the water will grow stagnate and fowl and won’t be good for anything. God has done a good work in us and through us, now its our job to keep pressing into all that Jesus has for us and to live on purpose. A river has to keep flowing to stay pure, and a fire has to constantly be stirred to stay hot.
Adventures in Missions created an event called Project Searchlight to help returning racers find their footing as they step back into what most of us would call “normal life.”
At Project Searchlight I can say that I have been loved without judgement.
Even though I’m still stu-stu-stumbling through words and feelings, I have been clearly listened to, and heard for that matter.
I’ve had unhindered quiet space with Jesus.
I’ve had life relentlessly spoken over me.
I worshipped Jesus with abandon every day.
I’ve gotten direction for my life.
During one of the sessions everyone in the room prayed with passion telling our spirits to wake up. I remember my hand was shaking as I gripped the frayed collar of my favorite old green J-Crew Shirt that I got from Goodwill. Something powerful and unwavering started lifting inside me as I pressed my other hand against my heart.
Now I feel this insane riptide pulling me out into the ocean of His grace, giving me bigger and crazier dreams than Ive ever had before. I feel an incredible restoration in my heart. I know that I’ll always have something to give, because I have Jesus. I’ve never been in this place before, but God has, and He is with me and for me in all that I’m doing and feeling. I needed Project Searchlight. I needed to worship and laugh and cry and dance and make the friends I’ve made and spend time with old ones. Through every word of love and encouragement, every tear, every blah moment, and every pearly white and slightly crooked smile I see when I look around campus, I know that God loves me and has lovingly placed me into this next season of life with a renewed heart and mind.
I have tasted and seen that the Lord is good, but i am not done. I think i have only gotten a glimpse of the appetizers. I want more and more of Jesus.
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Be strong in The Lord and in the strength of his might,
Put on the whole armor of God. So you can stand in the fight
against the enemy
Who only wants to defraud and
Tell you that you’re flawed,
that your not worth anything.
He and his marauders are rulers, principalities,
And authorities of this present darkness,
They are wicked and heartless,
Wanting to harness your pain and leave you a carcass
So put across your chest the breastplate of righteousness,
Fasten the belt of truth across your waist,
you are not waste.
then on your head put on the helmet of salvation and confess
that our God is an artist
and his word is the sharpest
Double edged sword and it says we are his workmanship,
Created in the image of Christ Jesus,
to do works of righteousness!
With strength,
lift your shield of faith
and do not worry about the marksmanship
of the archers of the enemy .
His flaming darts, and other weak weaponry
shutter Against God and his majesty,
Think about it, the devil doesn’t have much credibility,
He will contemptuously take our minds to the worst extremity,
But his alleged accusations don’t count for anything,
For we are in Christ,
And it is for freedom he has set us free!
dress your feet with the readiness of the gospel of peace,
And step forward, walking in faith, never coming to a halt,
Don’t look back, you aren’t going that way, you’re alive, not a pillar of salt.
Don’t stumble over something behind you,
Don’t let things already forgiven confine you,
The enemy’s only weapons are lies and deceit,
He will use your worst memories to bind you,
And he only uses your past because he is running out of material,
I promise,Earth has no sorrow that heaven cannot feel,
I promise, earth has no sorrow heaven cannot heal.
