I have been home from the race for two weeks. It is Christmas Day. My second nephew was born less than 48 hours ago.
Being “home” is weird. It is great and terrible, foreign and familiar, comfortable and challenging. It is weird.
The World Race did not provide me with all of the profound answers I was looking for. But it taught me to start asking better questions. Questions that the American culture and most of the Christian Church in America are not really considering. I have spent a lot of time since being home pondering these questions (which is much more challenging without Julie Morsfield to ponder alongside me).
I had an interview last week and was asked what the big take-away was from my time as a missionary. What was my “ah-ha” moment? The truth is I don’t know if I had one. Yeah, the race was extraordinary and yeah, I learned a ton about myself and life and the world. But I am here today, more similar to who I was twelve months ago than different.
My new nephew is named Judah. The name means “praised.” After Leah gave birth to Reuben, Simeon, and Levi (which were all named in an attempt to curry Jacob’s favor and love), she gave birth to her fourth “Judah.” Leah decided to give up on Jacob’s favor and to just praise the Lord. Judah was her last son.
With all the questions and all the adventures, all of the ministry and community, all of the failed attempts to curry favor within myself and within the world around me, I am giving up. Today is the day of Judah. Today, the Lord will be praised and thanked. My attempts to fulfill my dreams and make sense of my world, to find a wife and a family and a career, are no closer to being realized. Like Jacob is to Leah, these are loves that do not truly belong to me. The Lord is my love and my portion forever.
I’m trying hard not to justify my world race experience by measures of personal growth, unique adventure, supernatural stories. I want freedom from having to have the right answers and to explore which are the right questions.
These are the days of Judah. The days of thanksgiving and praise. The day that our Lord is the same, forevermore. The days of dying to all else but Him alone. The days of triumph by perspective, of victory by letting go, and of transformation by freedom.
A lot of people in the Christian community speak of having a discerning spirit. There is a falsity therein that suggest that being discerning is the ability to “see it like it is.” But the world is not so black and white. Someone who is full of crap is also a child of God. An annoying friend can also be an edifying one, as iron sharpens iron. Discernment at its best is the ability to see God in all things – things messy and weird and confusing and unconventional and unexpected.
When naming Judah, Leah, in the midst of a frustrating pursuit of approval and adoration, decides to hell with everything else – save the praise of my Lord. For my own life, for my family, and for the world, I pray these things, that the day of Judah may be divinely universal. To hell with everything else.
