As you can probably imagine,
working in the red light district of Chiang Mai every day is not easy. One of
the most difficult things is to watch the men in various stages of
buying/using/objectifying the women. I think it is fair to say that each of us
on the team have at times struggled with anger towards these men.
Thank God for grace. Thank God
that He is good enough to love everyone the same. The shameful truth is that
apart from the grace of God, I am capable of being one of these men. The more
appalling truth is that my sin is just as great as any of these men. The
redeeming beauty is that grace covers all.
I have encountered many surprises
while doing bar ministry. Perhaps the most surprising thing of all is how sad
these men are. There is a palpable cloud that hovers around them. The obnoxious
frat boy type that shouts and hoots is very few and far between. I can
probably count the number of those Ive seen on one hand. Countless are the men
dragging their loneliness and shame behind them like a shackle or a sulking
shadow. Their hurt is evident. And hurt people hurt people. Sure my heart
cringes and my fist clenches when I see a guy groping one of the girls or
negotiating an offer. It is easy to get angry. Harder is the task of seeing the
men just as God sees them, hurt and in need.
There is nothing that can possibly
excuse the choices that are made out here. But that is exactly why grace is so
scandalous. It is gloriously unfair.
God has been teaching me that
grace is necessary to even begin to do ministry. Any ministry. Without grace, we place
matters and people onto our scales and weigh based on the measurement of our
understanding. The door creaks open for thoughts that certain ones deserve
punishment. Pride ebbs into our perception because we fully believe that we are
not as bad as those. The truth is that without grace, we are all screwed. I
need it as much as everyone else does, no less and no more. I am one of those, the
ones who dont deserve what God is offering. And so is everyone around me.
Another part of this puzzle is
grace for myself. Grace for my own imperfection. Grace for my inability to do
more or understand the reasons why. My great teammate, Julie, said just
yesterday that it all boils down to whether or not we REALLY trust that God is
Good and Sovereign. Does He really work all things in conformity with the
purpose of His will? Do I trust Him? Is He enough? Is He God? Because if He
is, then the good that I am really doesnt matter much. Neither does the bad
that I am. It is all about Jesus.
Until we die to the idea of
comparison and viewing strangers through the lens of our own experience, we
will not be able to fully reach the potential impact we could have in ministry.
We tend to believe that the worst sins are the ones that have been done to us
and the most justifiable sins are the ones we have done ourselves. Grace covers
ALL. Unconditionally. Unfathomably. Everything. There is a God gracious enough
for you, gracious enough for me, and gracious enough for hurt men buying women in
Thailand.
I am so thankful that God is a God
of grace. I hope and pray that he allows me to see everyone on the streets of
Thailand the way that He does. Because then, and only then, will I be able to
befriend people genuinely and authentically represent the friendship of my
Beloved.
