Your life takes a downward spiral out of control. The world seems like it’s caving in all around you, crushing you in the midst. Things that you were once so sure of now seem impossible. You’re stuck in a deep dark pit of despair and hopelessness.
Welcome to Rock Bottom.
Sunday’s used to be a favorite of mine, but this morning, I had to make myself go to church. I took my normal seat and everything was the same, but so different. Worship was awesome, and people were just worshiping. God’s presence was definitely there.
But, I just took up a seat. I was almost completely absent spiritually.
I even remember silently telling God that I didn’t want to be here. The scenario of me just running out of the service played in my head. I went up to the front for altar service, and it felt like everything I was trying to pray bounced directly off of the ceiling. Void.
I just can’t take this anymore. I can’t.
I can’t stand this hellish crossroads anymore. One moment I’m a future missionary, and the next moment I’m a homosexual porn addict. I just can’t stand not feeling my Father’s love for me anymore. I can’t stand feeling like I don’t belong. I can’t stand not being free.
I’m overwhelmed at wits end. I feel like ripping my hair out at any given moment due to the prison cell that I seemed to be locked in. I literally feel like I’m going crazy. Bitterness and anger are starting to rise up in my heart towards my Father that I once felt so loved by.
Do I really even know my Father anymore?
