I’ve been having an identity crisis.
Am I how many likes that I can get on Facebook or Instagram?
Am I how many views this blog gets?
Am I the clothes that I use to “sell” myself and my image?
Am I what I feel that I am?
Am I what I achieve in life?
Am I the sins that I’ve committed?
Am I just the guy that stares back at me in the mirror?
Who am I behind the hipster frames and the eccentric hairstyles?
Who am I?
I feel like these questions are the cause of a lot of the problems that I face in my life… It’s a lot easier to accept God for who He says He is than it is for me to grasp who He says I am. He’s God… Of course He’s good, He’s holy, He’s forgiving, He’s merciful. But when He talks about me, it’s hard to grasp because I see the flaws. I see the screw-ups. I see all of the quirks.
I’ve become almost addicted to talking about how broken I am. After saying that and believing that, it’s become a part of my identity.
When “broken” becomes my identity, I feel worthless and totally unworthy of any blessing or love. I become a victim in my head. I look at others and feel worse about myself because they look so put together and happy. I rely on myself to do better, only to crash and burn with discouragement and failure. I search for more because I feel empty. I feel like I’m not enough. I become depressed, and because I feel unworthy, it’s a struggle to move toward God.
“If I just force myself to read a chapter in the Bible, God might be happier with me.”
“I I dress myself up to portray the image that I want to set, other people might like me more.”
“If I post this on Facebook and get a lot of likes, maybe I’ll feel more accepted and important.”
“If I talk eloquently, maybe more people will think I’m a super Christian.”
“Maybe if I give myself away, I’ll be loved more.”
“You see those people? You’re not good enough.”
LIES. LIES. LIES.
We are NOT broken. That’s NOT who we are.
“Broken” is not and NEVER will be our identity.
“Broken” is a stage, and while we can have broken pieces or broken hearts, that’s not who we are. We are not our brokenness. When we trust our identities to temporary seasons or emotions, we’d experience more ups and downs than Georgia in the winter. One day it’s freezing and the next you’re wearing shorts. Our identities boil down to one thing…
Who GOD says we are.
Easier said than done. That 18 inch journey from the head to the heart is killer for me. My head is just full of lies that I’ve allowed the enemy to plant there. It’s hard for me to grasp my true identity…the person that God sees when He looks at me.
If I truly grasped my identity, that would totally change everything. I wouldn’t need to strive to people please and basically exalt myself because I’d know that I am accepted by the God who created the universe. I wouldn’t be searching for love from the world because my Father is love and He loves me more than I can even fathom. I wouldn’t compare myself to others because I’d know that God made me uniquely in His image. I wouldn’t need to constantly strive to work harder because I’d know that I am already righteous in His eyes. I wouldn’t have to feel broken because I’d know that I am a new creature made complete in Him. I wouldn’t view Him as a “fun-sucker” sometimes because I’d know that He has my best interests in mind. I wouldn’t doubt this trip because I’d know that I was chosen and called by Him to go on this trip.
It’s just so scandalous.
