The concept of beauty is fascinating. Honestly, what is it and what kind of depth does it have? As many people know I shaved my hair off as part of the quest to finding what beauty really is. I can promise you it hasn’t been easy because slowly watching my hair turn into a mullet isn’t what I would describe as a thrilling experience. I will admit that I look in the mirror and find myself dissatisfied with what I see. I start to let those dang voices in which make me regret shaving it off in the first place. I start to think of how beautiful my hair was and now it’s somewhere in the dumps of Atlanta, Georgia. Why do I do this? Why do I start to doubt myself over something as simple as hair? Why do I feel ugly? It’s because I was raised on surface level confidence and the idea that beauty is something that is deemed worthy.
Personally, I think most of the modern world has been raised this way. Whether it was intentional or not society made it normal for young girls to want to strive for perfection no matter what the cost. Growing up I focused on what people looked like, how they acted, and if I could replicate it. Because of this I notice how people walk, eat, talk, smile, everything, just so I can produce what I thought looked the best. My actions were forgery and far from genuine. I started to mold myself into my own vision of outer beauty. If I complemented someone’s outfit I started to questioned my own clothes as if what I was wearing wasn’t good enough. I’ve realized I have been living a life of self judgement, self hating, and that is unacceptable.
During debrief several people told me they liked the spiky, awkward, hair. It shouldn’t be a surprise I told them I was still in love with it but deep down I was bitter. This led to several encounters with a mirror, standing in front of it and asking “why does everyone like it so much?”. So there I was standing there doing the same thing I did as a fourteen year old girl, and the same thing I did when I had hair. I’m not shy to admit I teared up when I finally recognized the beauty in a growing mullet. The truth is when I start to hate my hair, I have to seek the Lord. I have to ask HIM what he thinks of me, not what I think of myself. It is truly remarkable the things the Lord will say. He told me I am beautiful, I am loved, I am confident, and those words become my own and slowly I started to embody them. Mirror moments became less frequent and my head was held a bit higher day by day.
With intense thought and sleepless nights the analogy of beauty is like and onion came to mind. I know it’s not everyday that beauty is compared to something that stinks, but it fits perfectly! I say this because there are so many layers to people! With each peel you get deeper and deeper into who a person really is. It’s the good stuff like happiness, strength, confidence, even sadness! For me the first layer was the hair, first thing seen but the easiest to get rid of. Next was the insecurities and self doubt. After that it was vulnerability and acceptance of who I really am. I’m not finished, I have realized that this process will never end and I will always be seeking more. That’s a pretty amazing thing, beauty is never ending, it isn’t just one concept or one idea! It is so many things, the depth of it is unfathomable. It is different to every single person because each person has their own perception of it! I implore anyone who reads this blog to consider what beauty is to them. Discovering my layers and what makes me my own self is the greatest thing to ever happen to me. Wake up, ask the Lord what he thinks of you and start peeling away those dang layers!
“Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.” 1 Peter 3: 3-4
