Shaving my head wasn’t an abrupt decision that came about on a whim. I decided to do it while at training camp when the thought of shaving my hair was constantly on my mind. The topic of identity was prevalent and it had me thinking… where did I find my identity before my life became Christ focused? In my hair! Growing up I was that girl with the beautiful hair. I felt like people only saw what was on my head not what was in it. Truth was I didn’t see what was going on in my brain, I only saw what was happening to the outside. I would stand in front of a mirror and point out every imaginary flaw. My identity was centered around something fleeting, because of that, I too was fleeting in my everyday life. I was constantly looking for acceptance from others in my appearance not in who I was a person. I only cared what society thought of me and especially men. If a man gave me attention I thought that I was important. I was bound to the stigma I wasn’t beautiful if I wasn’t constantly being praised for the way I looked which made me battle with self worth. After years of struggle I finally let the Lord be my identity; not what society told me it should be. With a new outlook on life and a huge life change, my hair became something different to me. My hair became a weight and no matter what I did it didn’t feel part of me. I began to study what it meant to be a woman of God and none of it had to do with beauty. Proverbs 31: 10-31 explains what a Godly woman is, she is confident in her Lord, and none of that scripture praises her outer beauty. In fact it does the opposite, beauty is vain and her clothing is strength and honor! That is the kind of woman I want to be, a woman who has found her self worth with her Heavenly Father. So there I was in a small hotel room of 51 squad mates who all happen to be women. Everyone took part in the process from the praying, clipping to shaving. I sat in that crowded, sweaty room, thinking how amazing these girls are and how supportive they were while my hair went from long hair, a weird mullet, to a full on buzz cut. The way they looked at me melted away any insecurities I had and any doubts were completely vanished. I have never been so blessed to know a community of women such as my squad mates. As I go on this journey I hope to inspire all women who share in the struggle of confidence and self acceptance. We are all beautifully and wonderfully made by a perfect God who wants us to love ourselves as he loves us!
