A statement I have made from the pulpit is, “There are plenty of boys in the church
but not enough men.” Why is that? well it takes men to raise up
men. So to get on the same page, lets define a “man.” I asked a
question on Facebook to all my friends; believers and unbelievers
alike:
“What
makes a boy a man? Seriously, when you look at a guy, what makes you
say “That guy is a man?” Is it age, the responsibility he
walks in, his provision for family, the amount of money he makes, his
career, or even his sexual ‘conquest’…?”
Here are some of the responses:
“Fearing God”
“When he is willing to take responsibility for his actions. Own up
to things good or bad. And do the right thing for him and those he
is responsible for. Even when it hurts. And most importantly, when he
learns to die to himself, and put others’ needs above his own.”
“Love this quote from Lecrae’s album ‘What makes you a man is being
defined
by who you say you are in Christ, if you have Christ you
have all that you need.
Everything you need is bound up in the
resurrected Savior'”
“‘What is desired in a man is steadfast love,’ Proverbs
19:22 Without love, what are we?”
“A man rejects passivity, accepts responsibility, leads courageously,
and invests eternally.”
“‘Humility’ by Andrew Murray, and there was a book called ‘When the
Little Boy becomes a Man’ can’t remember who it’s by though. Have you
seen the movie ‘Courageous’??…they go over this question and the
answer the one guy shares (can’t remember his name) was He became a
man when his father had to go away and told him that he was a man and
needed to look after his mother and sister.”
“All of the above combined! You can’t be a man just because of one of
them, you must meet all of those listed.”
“Humility. ‘Pride is concerned with who is right. Humility is
concerned with what is right.'”
“I think maturity is a good indicator.”
“To me, a man is a man when he doesn’t have to PROVE his manliness
(or try to compensate for his lack of stereotypically ‘masculine’ features.) He doesn’t need to be a hero, to save a damsel in
distress. A man is not passive; he is also not threatened by women
who initiate.
A man is someone who can talk about
controversial/uncomfortable topics in a mature manner. He doesn’t
need to defend himself/prove himself right (…even if he IS right.)
He is the first to die to himself – whether in the line of battle, or
in the kitchen to wash dishes. A man keeps his word and is not afraid of commitment (not just in romantic relationships, but in LIFE.) A man
is okay with taking chances even when he doesn’t know the
results.
A man is patient, a man is kind. He does not
envy, he does not boast, he is not proud. He does not dishonor
others, he is not self-seeking, he is not easily angered, he keeps no
record of wrongs. A man does not delight in evil but rejoices with
the truth. He always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always
perseveres.
Also… big biceps”
“I would say what makes a boy a man is when they can define who
they say they are in Christ and their actions back that up. I
definitely think it’s when he takes on responsibility and steps up to
be a leader spiritually and practically. Also when he starts walking
in character, integrity, and prideless confidence is what sets apart
boys from men in my opinion.”
“A bit if both. Age, responsibilities. How far he’s come in life
and then last is career. Career I don’t think has a huge effect. But
some.”
“I believe the saying is a MAN of God. So what makes a boy a man is
someone who truly seeks after the Lord….and the way he is with
women. In my eyes, it hasn’t been who’s strongest or makes the most
money, but a man is someone who has genuine respect for women and
treats them honorably.”
“The point at which he takes responsibility for himself (and
possibly his wife/kids) on a financial, relational, and spiritual
level.”
“Being a man means standing on your own two feet and being a
positive leader for those around you.”
“Well, in my (serious) opinion a boy becomes a man when he begins
to put other people’s well-being before his own. That’s my metric, at
least.”
“I could talk about this topic for days, but i will keep it simple-
confidence. Not pride, but honest confidence.”
When I Talk About A “Man”
Now I think that a
“man” can be a combination of some of the responses given but for the
sake of the blog and for those reading I want you to understand where
I am coming from when I talk about a “man”. When I say “man”
I am referring to a man of God, meaning a man who pursues God with
all of is heart through Christ. I asked a very general question on Facebook because I also was curious to the non-christian perspective. So if
you are not a Christian understand that this is all being written
with the context of raising up Godly men. I personally include a
relationship with God as a part of manhood in general, I won’t speak
for every Christian on that, but for me they run together.
Right of Passage
So even though we
have a decent grasp of what a man should look like, why is there an
epidemic of boyhood plaguing our church culture? I think there are two main
reasons:
1) No “right of passage”.
2) Lack of fathers.
This blog will focus on “rights of passage”
There are so many
cultures in the world that have a “right of passage” ceremony for boys making the transition into manhood. Though they seem barbaric they do serve a valuable purpose, affirming a boy’s arrival into manhood. In our culture, like most western
cultures, this doesn’t happen anymore. As we have continued to
advance as a society and as values have changed, one thing that
remains in the subconscious of man is a need and longing to be affirmed as a man. I believe this is proven by a guy’s continued drive to
prove himself. In one of the posts above it says, “To me, a man is
a man when he doesn’t have to PROVE his manliness”, yet there are
boys of every age trying to do this very thing. Without a right of
passage, this is one of the most crippling things a guy will have to
face because it is a cycle that will never end. Now I am not saying that we need to stick our hands in gloves full of ants like the Satere-Mawe Tribe of the Amazon or dive off a 98ft tall tower with vines wrapped around our ankles like the Vanuatu Land Divers (VIDEOS BELOW). This is not about ceremony. This is about your arrival to a place of maturity, being affirmed in that place, and no longer having to look back and question it.
When
you have a boy seeking to be affirmed in his growth,
a Church
that is overly influenced by the culture,
and a culture
that has watered manhood down so no one knows what it looks like
anymore,
THEN
YOU HAVE A PROBLEM!
As guys we spend
our lives from age 13 (maybe even younger now) on trying to prove
ourselves because we are looking to be affirmed in who we are. This
isn’t necessarily a bad thing because this is essentially what
happens in these other cultures who still have these “right of
passage” ceremonies. The reason it has become a bad thing in our
culture is because there are not very many fathers anymore. When
young men don’t have a father or father figure to affirm or
discipline them, they seek their affirmation elsewhere, like
from their peers. We now have a culture where young men get their affirmation from each other because fathers are either too busy to
pour wisdom into their sons or they are nonexistent. So when you have
boys who get their ideas of what is important and what makes them a
man from MTV and Hollywood we can see why we have such a crippled
generation coming up.
When boys affirm boys in boyish behaviors, nothing good can happen.
STAY TUNED FOR PART 2, “Where Have All the Fathers Gone?”
Thank you to all those who have supported my ministry thus far with Adventures in Missions and the World Race if you would like to continue supporting me financially go here, it would be a huge blessing for me because I am not fully funded for the trip I am currently.
Check out these wild rights of passage!
