That thought’s always in my mind as I wanna take moves where I really have to rely upon my equipment. What if the rope has too many falls on it. What if somebody dropped and fractured a karibiner. What if somebody didn’t think correctly because it’s way too cold outside and they cut corners. I’ve seen people make mistakes before.
I wanna start moving into trad so I can begin summiting tougher peaks in the Tetons just to the south of my most recent home in Montana. And yet my climbing is hampered by my ability to trust. Just trust.
My trust in my Father – my Father in heaven – directly affects almost every area of my life. I struggle to trust my Father, so I struggle to trust others – and even myself! And yet – that’s changing as I’m learning who my Father is. That He cares for me more than I could ever imagine. That He loves me more than any person ever can. I used to think that my creator didn’t really care about me. I only accepted God in my life to the extent I needed to avoid hell. And yet I’m learning that He really cares about me more than I’ll ever be able to imagine. His love is my security. He delights in me, in His eyes I’m special, and in Him I can let go!
This month in Uganda has been an amazing month as I’ve learned the deep grace and love of my Father in heaven. His love for me does not change by what I do, how much I sin, or how much I fail. He simply waits for me to find life in Him, to jump into His arms. And as two of my awesome teammates paid for me to bungee jump, falling 145 feet into the swift current of the Nile below, I realized how much I simply needed to let go and jump into the love of my Father. I’ve cliff jumped into water enough to know that jumping in my own strength only tears me up emotionally. Eventually the thrill left, and I only felt beat up inside. And for the first time I decided to rest in the strength of my Father, rather than trying to fight fear in my own. I got to wait until the sun had set, and all I could see below was the dark, faint ripples in the river below. I didn’t know enough to understand whether the guys who were setting up the rig were making mistakes. But I climbed up, got weighed, had a sling of webbing tied around my ankles and hopped to the edge, looking down into darkness. I didn’t have to trust in those who were tying me in, because I’m learning to trust my Father. I don’t have to worry anymore…whatever happens. And I simply dove head first and let go – and it was one of the easiest things I’ve ever done. At that moment I simply died to myself and my fear, and I experienced unbelievable freedom. No fear. Just freedom. All I could do is yell out in joy the entire way down. My head dunked under the water, and I snapped halfway back up in complete disorientation and delight. I was free and at rest in Him, in His arms.
I think I might be addicted!
Image Above: Sunset over Lake Victoria in Kenya
