My focus… is to not make a mistake.
For the longest time I viewed myself on this tight rope and every step needs to be just right or I’ll fall and be seen as a failure, a screw up. And walking such a tight line I fell a ton and always beat myself up.
That is how I saw myself for the longest time and how I thought God saw me. And it wasn’t until I entered into college, and started digging into the deep dark places in my life, where I finally uncovered this reality of mine but I didn’t realize how much it kept me from growing. And I wasn’t sure how to change my perception of being on that tight rope.
Until someone revealed what God has been trying to tell me the past 8 years and that was this:
God doesn’t see you or want you on a tight rope but that he places you on this plateau that is so large that you can’t see where the drop off is. You’re free to run and move in any direction. You don’t have to try and balance anymore. Rest.
Wow… that is all I said but that had such a profound impact on my life it totally changed my perception of grace.
It gave me the freedom to know I don’t need to be perfect, it allowed me to start seeing myself in a confident manner, which allowed me to believe God wants to use me. And with that freedom I was able to not focus on my mistakes, but focus on and have my eyes open to the awesome ways God is at work through me and around me. It also gave me space to ask the hard questions, challenge God and stretch my faith because I wasn’t constrained to a 3 inch rope.
Why am I sharing this with you? Well for starters this is a profound truth that I just couldn’t help but share and remind people of.
The other thing is that if it weren’t for God revealing this to me I wouldn’t be heading out on this 11 month adventure. I would be too scared to stretch out, too scared to fail, and too scared to do something different than what is “normal” for an upper middle class person. This idea of a plateau of grace freed me to challenge what I believed about God and seek truth. Which is awesome by the way, because God doesn’t fear truth seeking, he knows in seeking truth you’ll find Him. And not feel like I would be condemned for challenging things. Also allowed me to take a leap of faith and realize it isn’t about the trip, but it is about listening and following where God is leading. So if I fail to fund the trip or something happens and I can’t go I won’t see myself as a failure instead I will be confident that God has something else in store for me. As well as opened up my eyes to the truth that leaving school for a year to learn more about Him and serve His kingdom doesn’t mean I am disappointing Him because my college education won’t be completed in four years and look nice and neat (like a tight rope), but that it will look kinda messy and that is ok because I have space to go new directions I am not stuck on one path.
So I challenge you to change your focus. That you will look up and expand your view and see how vast God’s grace is for us.
And not that school is out I am hoping to be able to blog more and get in touch with more of you.
Slowly but surely
Joe
P.S. Quick update is coming soon!
