Consider a few observations:
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When men get sick, they generally get sick alone.
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When men fail, they generally fail alone.
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When men are in trouble, few people generally come to help.
- Men die 10 – 15 years earlier then women on average.
- Most women reading this will end up either a widow or divorced.
- Eighty-percent of the suicides that occur in the United States are men.
These are the facts of our world, and if we don’t begin to grapple with men’s problems men will continue to leave their wives, leave their children fatherless, and die young.
The observations above are caused by several things, but one of the biggest causes is the following:
Men don’t know how to be intimate.
“How many of you,” asked Paul one night, “have communities of guys that you trust enough to be this open with?” Only 4 people raised their hands, and of them, most had only one or two guys they could go to with their problems.
Very few men will open up the places where they are most impotent to solve their problems. They will rarely show weaknesses like these with women (unless they want something), and will almost never share them with other men, especially peers.
Men, as a rule, are solitary problem solvers.
There are a few exceptions, and these are men to envy, but fear of failure, and an even greater fear of losing respect in the eyes of peers, cause men to deal with their problems on their own.
Their lack of support causes men to internalize stress, and without an outlet, this stress leads to health and emotional problems.
MEN: How would your male friends react if you confessed to them about an embarrasing mistake you made at work?
Women on the other hand are generally much better at getting support from their peers. They share their marriage problems, work problems, family problems, etc etc. They are sharers. They know how to talk. They know how to open up. They bring their issues to a group of friends, cry on each other’s shoulders, laugh at the weakness of themselves and others, and then talk themselves into a solution to their problem.
WOMEN: How would your female friends react if you confessed to them about an embarrasing mistake you made at work?
From a guys perspective, this is amazing. This almost never happens. Wait, you talk about that stuff? And we write it off as though women are weaker and can’t deal with their own problems.
Men, we need to be more supportive of our brothers. We are too quick to cut each other down, too quick to make a joke at another’s expense. Too shallow to go deep for the sake of drowning in our own sorrows and self reflective nature of shattered nakedness. Faults, failures and fears keep us at bay. Keep us from growing. Keep us from being intimate with others, ourselves and The Father. There are always times for jokes, but we need to create time where we can be able to be vulnerable with each other.
Consider the fact that David was a king before anyone knew it – God predestined that. But if it weren’t for Jonathan we’d all be missing out on the power of brotherly love and vulnerability that leads to intimacy only found within.
We’ll talk about the connection between vulnerability and intimacy in the next blog.
