The first four months of my race have been some of the most adventurous, fun, and joyful months of my life. Thinking back on them makes me smile a lot. The first four months didn’t feel hard. They felt fun and enjoyable. They felt joyful and free. They felt adventurous and intimate. They felt easy.
One of the main things that made the first four months of my race so good is the community I was surrounded by. I was a part of a team that knew how to have fun, laugh at ourselves, find joy even in the most challenging and frustrating situations, yet also had the maturity to deal with conflict and lovingly speak hard truth to each other.
The depth of love and friendship that came from the past four months still blows my mind. We became so close in such a short period of time. I could literally tell them anything – from what my poop looked like that day to the deep and hard things I was struggling with in my heart. We lived together 24/7 but missed each other if we didn’t see each other for a few hours.
We connected on a funny/crazy/goofy level, a deep spiritual level, and everything in between. We laughed so hard together. We loved each other so well. We had true fellowship with each other.
I remember before the race I was really nervous to live in community 24/7. I thought it would be really hard and challenging. I thought I was going to struggle a lot with it. But community has been one of the best things on my race so far. Community is such a beautiful thing when it’s done the way God intended it.
The beginning of this month marked the beginning of a new year, a new season, and a new team. After spending four months living in community with the same people, team changes happened.
It was hard. Really hard. A lot harder than I ever thought it would be. I didn’t expect to cry so much and I didn’t expect it to hurt so much. Team changes have been the hardest thing for me on the race so far.
Throughout all of the changes, the Lord has gently reminded me of several things:
- I believe that sometimes the Lord walks us through old lessons to take us even deeper with Him. He reminded me of a big lesson I learned from my little sister – that loving deeply can also hurt deeply at times. When I asked Him why it hurt so much, that’s what He tenderly reminded me, and it gave me a deeper understanding of His love for us.
- Sometimes the Lord has to put us in our place by reminding us of hard truths so that we can die to ourselves. He reminded me that this is not about me being on a fun team. He convicted me of selfishness and reminded me that even though he blessed me with an amazing team the last four months, this is not about me having fun. This isn’t about me at all. It’s about something so much greater than me – it’s about His Kingdom.
- He also reminded me that there is so much more growth, so many more blessings, and so many new lessons to come. I know that the Lord placed me on my new team for a very intentional purpose, and my hands and heart are open to whatever He has for me.
So without further udo, I want to introduce you to my new team, “Team Machaceh.”
From left to right: Debbie, Shannon, Alex, Me, Kristin, Dylan, and James
Machaceh [mock – a – say] means “refuge.” We chose this name because we desire to be a safe place for each other to be open, honest, and vulnerable. We all want more intimacy with the Lord and with each other, and we know that only comes from sharing the deepest part of our hearts with each other, no matter how messy or how ugly it gets.
I will always miss my old team, but I am choosing my new team. I’m choosing to be present with them. I’m choosing not to focus on what I’ve lost, but on what I’ve gained. I’m choosing to learn how to connect with each person in their unique way.
I’m asking God to help me see each one of my team mates through His eyes.
Most of all, I can finally say that I’m excited. I’m excited for the growth, the lessons, and the friendships that will come from the next six months.
The beautiful thing about all of this is the life-long friendships that have come from all of it. I may be walking into a new season and a new team, but this is just the beginning. There is so much more to come.
I am thankful and confident in knowing that the Lord is walking with me through it all. He is faithful through every season, every trial, every change, and every moment.
