"I want good things for you," I heard God say to me last night as I stood on the roof overlooking the city and watched floating lanterns drifting off in the distance. Good things? Good things for me? Wait a minute, what God?! He said it again to me, "I want good things for you Jinnae."
Those words struck me. It wasn't something I hadn't heard before, but it was something I haven't really ever believed for myself. So many times in my life things haven't worked out or have turned bad too fast. How could I ever believe that someone wanted something good for me. Up until this year, I definitely never felt worthy enough for anything good. In work, in daily doings, and in relationships, if they weren't good or if things went south, that was just my life. Because I had been hurt so much in my life, I was really negative and expected the worst all of the time. It was a pattern and I have come to assume that things just aren't good for some people, and yes I believed I was one of those people, even though I knew the promises of God.
It is hard not to compare your life to other peoples. Things look more glamorous, almost all of friends have the boyfriend of their dreams or are happily married with babies or have one on the way. Some have the job that they love and will be in for the rest of their lives. Still others have that group of friends or family that have been there through it all. Many times I have sat there and thought what about me? I'm getting older and where are those good things, when do they happen for me? When do I finally meet the man I have been waiting for, when do I finally find that thing that I love doing, when do I get to raise a family? I love being on the race and getting to struggle through my crazy thoughts. I know God just sits there and laughs at me, but I legitimately want to know!! God do you actually have good things for me?
For me, when "something good" ever came along in life it always seemed to end and it just never seemed that good. Time after time it happened and it has almost become a learned behavior to assume that nothing good could happen for me. But that voice, that small voice caught me, it spoke to my heart last night and I realized my fears. God breathed new words into me last night which awakened me. I let go of my fears and I know that He is walking me into something new. I know that he actually has something good in store for me and I am believing it. This year I found my worth in Him, I found who I am in Him, and it has changed me. He is still working and changing me, and I am choosing to see the good in all thing. He has good things for me!
Lamentations 3:25
The Lord is good to those who wait hopefully and expectantly for Him, to those who seek Him [inquire of and for Him and require Him by right of necessity and on the authority of God's word].
