I gave up…
SO today was a day of defeat. I had given up. There was a moment of complete failure and lack of trust where I said to myself “there is no way that this is going to happen.”
Looking at my WR account and seeing $4,000 in there, and thinking about the $11,000 still left to go, I felt as if it was impossible for me to come up with this kind of support. I also came across some expected, but not so expected financial burdens today… due all in the same week I owe $400 for rent, $380 for insurance for the year during the World Race, and $400 for a year supply of contact lenses.
I was overwhelmed and ate up the lies of impossibility. I kept thinking of fallback plans, or “what if” scenarios.
“what if I don’t go?”
“What if they send me home early?”
“I can’t afford any of this.. is this really right? What if I’m making the wrong move?”
Just to add a little more emotion to the night, tonight was my last regular Ignite. (Ignite is our college ministry at our campus). I have been a part of Ignite for 5 years, and have served in some kind of leadership for the last 4. Looking at the sanctuary filled with 240+ college students worshiping the One true God just brought tears of joy. It also brought back flashbacks of very important pieces of my life the past 5 years. Many special life moments happened in that same room. I remember my first night there as a college freshman, my first time standing in front of a crowd talking about my faith, the first time I became a leader, a couple relationships kindled, and a couple of break ups even started in that room, friends of mine confessing major things happening in their lives to me there, and even bringing my mom to see me get baptized happened in that same room. So much of me has been in that room, and this ministry, it was a little bittersweet to say goodbye.
While reminiscing through my memories, and in the midst of wiping tears, there the Lord was, nagging at me, telling me that He is there. That He is doing new things and I can be apart of it. He is leading me, where He wants me to be, and that NOTHING is impossible with Him. I have not been defeated. He has conquered the World!
Oh! How He loves us! – giving me these past 5 years to grow in Him, to seek Him, to learn about Him. Now He is leading me to go and grow, seek and learn more. He will provide, and I should never put it past Him to make all things possible.
Hebrews 13:5b
“ never will I leave you; Never will I forsake you. So we say in CONFIDENCE, The Lord is my helper, I will NOT be AFRAID”
Incase you missed my Video… Here you go! I am at $4,000 and need $11,000 to go. I cannot do this alone; apart from God I do need your help! Please consider becoming part of my team and help to support me in any way possible.
