Well hello there readers!
I write to you from my foam mattress in the middle of my concrete room. It’s a good thing you aren’t here, because I haven’t bathed since Saturday, and as a result I’m a bit smelly. Well, more than a bit. You see, Uganda is hot. So hot that we can’t even do ministry in the afternoons. Instead, we sit in our sweat. And because it doesn’t rain, it’s also quite dusty. Thus, my skin is stained a couple shades darker from said dust, which when it isn’t blotchy is great – cheapest spray tan I’ve ever had! The down side is that dirt is permanently stuck under my nails, but I do my best not to pay attention to that at mealtime. I guess I could shower out back, but I hear from fellow teammates that the water has UC in it today (Unidentified Chunks, if you’re wondering), so bathing with my bucket and cup doesn’t sound too appealing. Plus, I’ve only got a small amount of shampoo left, and the village we are in doesn’t stock any, so I’m practicing the fine art of rationing. Right now things are pretty calm, though. We’ve got power, which is sweet since it comes and goes. I’d say at any given time, we’ve probably got a 50% chance of electrical current. Anytime it is on, you can bet that we’ve got everything possible plugged into our two little outlets. My computer is the lucky winner right now! Woohoo! Also, the cows across the street are still out in the field, so there’s no mooing. Even the goats are silent!
Oh wait…nope, I can still hear the goats.
I remember reading random people’s blogs before leaving for the Race, and there always seemed to be that one blog that talked about missing home. I also remember mom saying to me, “Just don’t write about missing McDonald’s and stuff.” [Possibly not a direct quote, but close enough to get the point across]. And I remembered thinking, of course I won’t write a blog like that! I mean I’m going to be out in the world serving the Lord – everything about that sounds great! And if I’m being real honest with you, I probably even judged those racers, thinking to myself how tacky it was to be complaining about missing things when they were getting such a sweet opportunity. Well, I now sit across from you at a table that has turned, having been knocked off my high horse, and oh how I’m humbled.
I blame Adrift [where we “vacationed” for a couple of days at the start of Uganda]. Because even though we were camping in our tents, they had hot showers. Like, a real shower. With a legit showerhead, a steady stream, and endless amounts of warmth. I think this is where things might have started going a bit downhill for me. One morning I got in the shower just to wash my face…and was in there for thirty minutes. Yeah, it was that serious. But when you haven’t had a warm, real shower in months, can you really blame me?
From there the wants and longings started flowing. I wish I could get a big ole hug from my dad and mom and sister and little K. Why can’t I be home to run and tackle-hug Whitney in celebration of her engagement? [Congratulations friend!] Oh how nice it would feel to wake up in my comfy bed, wrapped up in my t-shirt blanket. If only I could have some yogurt and a turkey sandwich. What I wouldn’t give for a brownie. How sweet would it be to hop in my car, drive to the park, and go for a run all by myself? I bet Glee has some good songs this week. I wonder what I look like with straight hair, because I can’t really remember. Yes mom, I even find myself missing McDonald’s. [Insert face of shame here.]
It’s tough out here folks! A lot more difficult than I ever thought it would be. And this is coming from the girl that used to get scolded for not wanting to shower on two week mission trips. I don’t mind roughing it. I actually enjoy it. There’s something satisfying about having life stripped down to its most simple form – it frees my soul a bit. But this is month three of Africa, and I’m exhausted. I’ve caught myself slipping into places of comfort and living in expectation of what is to come. Thailand is just around the corner, and I’m determined to have little fish make my feet sparkly and new! And don’t even get me started about my list of things to do when I’m back in the States.
But praise the Lord (literally) that we serve a God who knows our heart, and is willing to give us the nudge (or sometimes shove) we need if we’ve strayed from the path (or rather the attitude) that He intended for us.
I had just got done talking with my teammates about our excitements for Thailand and home, and (here’s where this blog gets real, unedited, and ugly) the comment had even been thrown around that we were “over Arica.” Now this was said in reference to the heat and the dirt and the smelling, but still, what an ugly moment for us. We were headed to ministry for the day, and during the walk I got some alone time with the Lord, and man did He lay that conviction on my heart heavy and quick. He basically said to me,
“Jill, how could anyone ever be ‘over’ Africa? I’ll never be ‘over’ Africa. Africa is filled with my children. I love Africa. I love these people. And I have you here for a reason. You are my ambassador. You are some of these people’s only time to see me. How are you representing me? I know you’re tired, my child, but I will give you renewed strength and a renewed heart if you will only ask for it. Open your eyes and see my children whom I love. Give them my love and my joy. Live in love each day, exactly where I have you.”
That night during feedback, I brought it up, only to find that the same conviction had been laid on the hearts of each of my teammates, and we got to have a beautiful discussion that night about our frustrations, our struggles with where we were at, but more than anything, how much we wanted God to remove all of our crud and selfishness, and give us hearts that were completely satisfied in Him and passionate about exactly where He has us and all the opportunities that exist in each day to be filled with His joy while serving His people. My team’s prayer has become for God to help us “keep our heart where our feet are,” and I love that.
I think it is often times easy for us to get so caught up in our own discomforts or desires, that we are missing out on the true beauty of our current situations. How many of us get lost in a future that isn’t even promised to us, only to miss out on the blessings of each day?
If there is anything for us to look forward to, it isn’t Thailand or home or even hot showers, but rather the promises of the Lord and our place in heaven. But we don’t have to spend our life waiting on these things, because there are pieces of the Kingdom to give and be had in each day! His presence is abundant, as I’ve discovered that every day is flooded with little notes from God found in each sunrise jog, each bite of juicy pineapple, each laughing child, each strum of the guitar, each starry sky, that says,
“Hey, I love you. I’m here with you. There is purpose in this very day. I have you here for a reason. Rejoice in my blessings! Delight in my creation! Find satisfaction in my presence! Just be with me today.”
I don’t know where you’re at while you are reading this, or what maybe you are looking forward to in your life, but it is my prayer for you that you can keep your heart where your feet are, and recognize the beauty and blessings God has given to you this very day.
This is a smelly, dirty, sweaty, tired, yet thankful, satisfied, excited, blessed, joyful, living-in-the-present Jill, signing out for now.
P.S. Please excuse the title. I can't strike blog-naming gold all the time people! Besides, the heat made me think it was funny. 🙂
