I have been focused my whole life—always in school, then, hopping straight into a career out of college! I have always strived for independence (ie- my own place, my own money, my own life), and although I’ve succeeded in “my” goals- I still feel a sense of emptiness in my life… of feeling trapped where I am … of not seeing & knowing the world around me… of not reaching for the unknown, the uncomfortable… of “plateauing”. I often sit, thinking, “Is this it? This CAN’T be it, GOD! There has to be more to life than this!” And, I’m just being honest—I hope that’s OK. I’ve looked for several years now at going back to school (always decided not to go at the last minute), international opportunities (ie- schooling), Peace Corps, Navy, personal vacations (ie- group traveling) and mission work (ie- Cafe1040, Mercy Ships, New Tribes, etc). I’ve also hoped for marriage and a family, like so many of my friends around me. None of those grand ideas of mine ever seemed to work out! I KNOW the World Race is my answer to that void, all those questions and ALL that searching! You see, I didn’t go searching for it- it found me, in a car ride at work! GOD CHOSE THIS FOR ME, and my eyes were immediately opened! At first, I was bouncing off the wall! I filled out my application immediately, payed my fee, set up my interview, completed my interview process and waited for my acceptance and/or denial… Then, I was accepted!! YAYYYY!!!! RIGHT!?!? Wait… where’s that initial excitement!? Let me call on GOD, “God, you’re excited, RIGHT?” No answer. I fell into confusion and doubt… praying for God to show me what He wanted me to do, to give me a sign, to make it obvious and CLEAR that he wanted me to go on this race! Still, nothing. I began to talk to several of my friends, family, co-workers and church family about my Race. Still, no clarity or answers were found. My mind changed every day. I finally just gave up because I was tired of the confusion, over-thinking, deadlines and stressing. I thought to myself… All of those feelings are not of God… So, oh well, I have my life situated now—it’s no big deal. I decided it was OK to be “comfortable” with how my life was going, thank God for His many blessings and keep moving forward in my life. That was the “easiest option” anyway. I was determined that God would open a ministry door in my local community and allow me to do mission work here- through church, AWANAS, organization, job, however. I also began looking at short-term mission work through AIM and other companies. I was a completely WILLING vessel, as long as there was compromise and comfort involved. Plus, it was hard to think about leaving my church family, birth family, friends, community, job, home, car and the list goes on!! The WR never left my mind though… it kept coming back, consistently. I began feeling regret and panic over losing my spot. I kept reaching out to WR and calling them for questions, prayer and clarity. Eventually, I discovered through all of that—that I had been neglecting the most important voice of all– GOD’S VOICE!! I was looking for His Voice in other people and things, and I was letting my own fear, pride, opinions and doubts get in the way of HIS answer & my dream! GOD has been asking me, from the beginning, to give ALL of that up (the life “JILL COLLINS” planned) for the life HE planned for me instead. He just wanted to see that I would take that first step of faith on my own!!! I believe He still would've used me, of course, if I had not chosen to go– but we must be cautious in stepping out of GOD'S WILL for our lives. PRAY, PRAY, PRAY. But, Ladies & Gentlemen, my “mission impossible” turned into “mission possible” again!! Peace & direction were restored, and I am SO excited to announce that I’m part of JULY 2013- ROUTE 2 WORLD RACE!!!! THANK YOU, JESUS!! "If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake and for the sake of the Good News, you will save it." (Mark 8:35 NLT)
Now, please don’t get me wrong. I do believe this Nation, USA, needs missionaries, and our children need Jesus more than ever. In fact, I struggle with understanding why I’m being sent to other nations when ours needs GOD just as much! So, pray with me, as my heart is broken for America- especially after the recent shooting incident at Sandy Hook Elementary School. I cried at our Christmas Play at church tonight- watching our innocent, cheerful, vulnerable children and thinking of those who were taken into Heaven, as well their mourning families. I want to reach out and help these families, and it absolutely crushes my spirit. I want to do all I humanly can to help prevent tragedy, and I pray that God uses me in my position of working with the mentally unstable children in foster care in the next few months. As we know, children grow into adults, and I want to be able to help- as much as I can- before they’re on their own in this world. Ultimately, I want to make sure all the children of the world know Jesus Christ as their personal Savior- as life is fragile & unpredictable. God could come back, tragedy could strike, accidents could happen- at any moment in life. I know I’ve kind of gone off on a tangent, but this is my heart & my mission as well- and I really wanted to share it with you guys. GOD BLESS, and have a good night.
