Wow, I don’t know where to start. From the plane ride here up until this point I have been receiving different confirmations that I AM called here to encounter this week and to experience the Race. But, I can’t say there haven’t been times where I felt that this isn’t for me or I can’t do this (I wasn’t even here a full day before having reservations about going home). I knew I was broken coming into this, but I didn’t realize exactly how broken I really am. I do know that Jesus loves me so much that He has placed this mission on my heart and I will not allow the enemy to trick me into thinking otherwise, that I am physically, spiritually and emotionally not able to follow through with this. I DO KNOW that “Through Christ ALL things are possible,” and that He is so much more powerful than the enemy.
I say that I had no expectations coming into training camp but I guess I did. I thought it was going to be easy, I WAS WRONG. I didn’t expect this to be a week of brokenness, spiritual attack, intense transformation and revelation or as challenging mentally and physically as it was. I expected it to be easy. Well, let me tell you…It was possibly the hardest week of my life up until this point. However, it may have also been the best week. I witnessed the Holy Spirit work in ways that I have never experienced before (For example, witnessing a deaf man begin to hear!) which is CRAZY, but it just reiterates that all things really are possible if we just TRUST in Him. I learned this week that I don’t only need to trust God, but to FULLY trust Him. He is not filling me with the Holy Spirit so that I can be comfortable or hide, but so that I can go out into the nations and serve HIM. I seemed to forget that this year is not all about me, and it is definitely not about being comfortable.
“No one lights a lamp and puts it under a basket. Instead, a lamp is placed on a stand where it gives light to everyone in the house” Matthew 5:15
This week put my trust in Him to the test. It is easy to say you are willing to step outside your comfort zone, but to actually be placed in such a position of sacrifice is an entirely different story. God HAS given me comfort in placing me on a squad of young adults whom I know will be a huge inspiration to me over this next year. I never thought it was possible to fall in love with 50+ people who you’ve only known for a week. These people are going to be more than just squad mates or friends, they are my FAMILY.
I may not enjoy the hot temperatures (who am I kidding, I am going to HATE it), the strange food, long and uncomfortable travel days, and so on…But I will definitely enjoy the adventure of growth, maturation and God given opportunities and pathways placed before me.
This isn’t going to be an easy year, and I am learning that I don’t want it to be easy.
F Squad
