Have you ever had those days where God just shakes you? He basically pushes you to think about things you would rather not think about, and he asks you to confront things that you would rather continue sweeping under the metaphorical rug?
That is the place I found myself on Sunday as I was getting ready for marathon Church here in Lugansk, Ukraine. In Asia, I rarely went to church, mainly because we worked with organizations that didn’t have a “church…� Thailand was the last time I regularly went to church, and before that it was church all the time in Africa. Needless to say, I have to be honest. I haven’t missed going to church these past few months. Do I miss my church back home? Yes. I will go there as much as I can. But do I miss church services where I feel like I don’t know what is going on and I just sit there waiting to be done? No. However, God decided to place us back in the church going environment this month. We had two services on Sunday. We left at 10:30am, went to church, returned home for lunch, left at 2:15, went to a different church, and then came home around 6pm. During the first service, I just wasn’t having it … our contact was graciously translating for us from the seats, but I just wanted to zone out and do my own thing. If I had to be at church, I didn’t have to be present in this body of believers, I would have my own Jesus time.
Speaking of Jesus time, I needed it … I was getting so frustrated that I couldn’t have some peace amidst the chaos of church to just do my own thing … and have my own time. Since leaving China, I have not been intentional about having time with Jesus. Really, Cambodia was the last time I was doing some serious digging in the scripture, back when the Bible was my escape from a month that I couldn’t handle. Not to say I haven’t read the Bible since then, but I haven’t gone deep in a while. The distraction of administrative tasks in Malaysia, and the crazy work schedule of China … and now here in Ukraine the chaos of living with too many children and an open door policy. Excuses, excuses … but it just hasn’t happened. So when I thought I was going to have time in church to do what I have been failing to do for a while now, I was ready. Ready to start hearing from Him again and getting words and prophesy. Just ready to get back into journaling and everything that would come along with it … but really, I wasn’t ready to take time out of my day to seek that out. I was ready to escape from a required activity by doing something I should desire to do, not just doing to kill time in marathon church.
So … here we were in Ukraine at a church service, and God began shaking me. He showed me a picture of something that I won’t soon forget. It may seem simple, but after singing some songs … the pastor asked if there was anyone weak in their faith. As direct as that. I mean, back home we have an altar call at the end where people can go forward and pray and all that jazz, but it’s not typically a “come to the front if you are struggling with this� sort of invite. At least not in church where I have attended, so usually whatever you are coming forward to pray about is between you and Jesus. Well this morning, straight up, he said, “Raise your hand if you are weak in your faith.� To be honest, even if I was weak in my faith … I don’t think I would heed the invitation to raise my hand. I mean ask me if I’m a Christian and you’ll see my hand, but ask me to admit something so personal in front of everyone … my pride wouldn’t handle it. I would sit there and think … “this is just me and Jesus, no one else needs to know.� But you know what happened here? People raised their hand … and instantly, the rest of the congregation went to different corners of the room and laid hands.
This picture showed me so much about the church. The church is full of different kinds of people. There are times when even the most solid believers need to be covered in prayer. Seriously, what if the only strength you have is to lay down your pride and slip up your hand, just praying for the next day to look just a little brighter? The hurt is too much, and all you can do is slip up your hand, not in defeat, but in complete surrender to the Almighty? Then in that same instance, the church is there to lay hands and to fight for you in prayer… to petition God to reveal Himself to you, and to give you the strength to continue to fight for yourself? This is the church. The church is not just a bunch of needy souls, though we are all in complete need of what the Father has to offer; nor is the church a body of super spiritual people who know all the answers, though we do all have ways to encourage and lift up those around us with the knowledge and the wisdom God has blessed His followers with. Rather the church is giving when you are in a place to give, and being willing to receive in a place where your tank has run dry. It is a community of honesty and depth, a community that sees people where they are at, and loves them right there, but refuses to let them sit there idly. Growth is encouraged and prayed for; the church is … a body of believers who are willing to quit saying they’re fine when they are really just falling apart, and who are willing to step up and speak up when they have the words to encourage those who are in that place. It’s a cycle … we will all experience times where we can’t stand; in those times let yourself be carried… we will all experience times where the Lord is speaking so clearly to us; in those times let your voice be heard, help carry someone.
This past Sunday, I had a double shot of Jesus … we took communion twice, once in the morning and once in the afternoon. To be honest, even after God had shaken me up with that picture of the church, I wasn’t invested. I went through the motions of the bread and the wine [grape juice] and what that really resembles … I just acted. I didn’t absorb the gravity and weight of what I was saying and committing to believe in the time that I took communion that morning. So then after realizing how carelessly I took communion that morning, God gave me a chance to try again, to really realize what I was doing and to quit just acting out the motions, but rather to partake in communion in the way it was designed. To really understand that in that moment, I am remembering the life, death, and resurrection of my Savior. I am examining my heart and how everything in me is lining up or not lining up with who He is calling me to be, and what He has done for me to be able to walk into that calling and out of that sin that so easily entangles me. In that moment I am saying that I acknowledge Him and I wholeheartedly remember the blood that He shed for me to be free.
I guess I say all this to say, I don’t want to be just another “Sunday morning Christian…� Give me a double shot of Jesus, and set my heart back on the things above.
