Check out Part 1 before continuing, click here if you haven’t read it yet!
When I came on this mission trip, I think I expected adrenaline to get me through everyday … the mission trip high. Ha. After six months there is nothing glamorous or exciting about the missionary life. Seriously, this is just life … real life … not a mission trip high every day. This is exhaustion, this is being burnt out, and this is no longer “ooo aaaa … 11 countries … 11 months … how exciting!� This is “Dear Lord, you are going to have to get me through this because I am DONE!� I feel like I am hitting a wall and running circles with nothing changing. I feel like I hear feedback and it goes in one ear and out the other … I don’t want to try anymore … All the locals seem to just be a sea of faces, not individuals. Like I said, I am broken, confused, frustrated, and exhausted … but I guess God didn’t promise a life without trials and a life without struggles, but what he did promise is this, “Come to me all of you who are tired and have heavy loads, and I will give you rest.� (Matthew 11:28)
Lord, I need rest … I need an energy boost … I need to care again … Have you been at a place like this before? (I know I am in this place right now) Maybe you haven’t gotten to the point of feeling like everything is falling apart, and I pray you never do experience these feelings, but if you have been in this place or you are at this place now, it’s okay. For the longest time I thought God would be upset with me for being upset and for experiencing emotions like this, but God created emotions, He has made us to be emotional and to have feelings. He knows the depths of sorrow and anger and joy and everything in between, He made us. I’m a missionary on The World Race, but I am no better than anyone else … I still struggle … I still cry … I still wrestle with God in prayer because I don’t understand why I have to experience certain things (case in point: Cambodia). Check out Habakkuk in the Old Testament, he asked God some pretty tough questions. But after all the questions and all the wrestling, He knew that one thing would still remain true no matter what …
“Fig trees may not grow figs and there may be no grapes on the vines. There may be no olives growing and no food growing in the fields. There may be no sheep in the pens and no cattle in the barns. But I will still be glad in the Lord; I will rejoice in God my Savior.� (Habakkuk 3:17-18)
I may never understand this side of heaven why God put me here in Cambodia this month, I can’t guarantee I will be able to make these last five days here worthwhile, I may fight tooth and nail until we head out to Phnom Penh on Saturday, but no matter what, I will praise God for who He is and for what He did for me on Calvary’s Cross.
No matter what is happening in your life right now, no matter what mountain you have climbed or what valley you may be lying in, God will not leave you nor will He forsake you. Though your sorrow may last for a night, your joy will come in the morning. Be patient, the Lord has a plan, a plan to prosper you and not to harm you. Finally, trust the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, seek the Lord in all you do and He will direct your paths.
