Done. Finished. Over. I’m packing my bags and boarding a plane the next chance I get.
This past week I have been at that very place, I have been so ready to just go home. I’ve been here five months, I’ve done enough. I have absolutely nothing left to give. Time to head back to a “normal” life with a real bed, hot showers, and not having to be around people 24/7.
I guess that would be the easy choice. Though the past few months I couldn’t even imagine leaving The World Race … I would freak out and stress out about money and having to leave early. Then God kept asking me time and time again, “… and what if you have to leave the Race early? Does that mean I am still not faithful to fulfill my promise? I promised you would go on The World Race, and you did … what if I have a better plan for you back home?”
So finally I got comfortable with the idea that God was in control, and then something flipped this past week and with the Holidays upon us, I got this major wave of homesickness, and this desire to be anywhere but here. The language barrier here is hard. The ministry is never clearly communicated to us and we never really know what they expect of us, and we’re in the middle of nowhere. The only good thing I have found is having access to the internet and Skype and getting to stay connected back home. And by staying connected back home that only fueled my desire to just be back home already. So the past few days I have been freaking out and stressing out about how can I even make it one more month (to the final financial deadline)? There’s six more months on the Race, but in my mind I decided that I still have $3800 left to raise and that I would not be fighting for that to come in, because I just want to go home. If God wants me to stay on this Race, He is going to have to provide for me without my help. so since I had been telling myself again and again this week that I’m going home soon, that is all that has consumed my thoughts and I had given up on connecting with the ladies on my team. Then last night, God asked me, “… and what happens if you end up getting fully funded and stay on this trip for six more months? Will you trust me to give you the strength in your weakness? What if my plan is for you to stay on the Race until the end?”
Needless to say, I’m so confused.
At first, God told me that maybe His plan is for me to head back home after six months. Then, God told me that maybe His plan is for me to finish the Race. What am I supposed to do with that, really?
Then it hit me. I’m supposed to live life. I’m not supposed to worry about tommorow. I’m not supposed to become so consumed with going home – either from freaking out and not wanting to leave early or from stressing out and just wanting to be back home now. His plan is His plan is His plan. He is in control of His plan, and I need to invest as much today regardless of where I will be tommorow. I have not been called to give up. I have been called to “finish the Race strong.”
With all that being said, if you’re still with me, and following my blog faithfully or maybe this is the first blog of mine you’ve read … would you consider not giving up on me? Would you consider supporting me financially for this last deadline? I have $3800 still to raise to finish the final six months, and I know that whatever happens will be in God’s plan, but if you feel that He is leading you to give, I would be so appreciative. I am not ready to give up on the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. And also, I love receiving encouraging words from home, so please comment and message too if you have a spare minute.
To support me, click here.
*Side Note: Because staying connected back home is making it much harder for me to focus on my family here, I will be choosing to unplug from the internet this next week, from January 1st – 8th … but I will be back after that to check my support account and my blog and facebook and Skype and all that other jazz*
FINALLY … Stay Tuned for two more blogs coming today … an adventure with an elephant, and a blog from the Philippines that I still need to post. =)
