“I expect to become frustrated with support raising.” – expectation met, and sooner than I had hoped. I was supposed to stay in the honeymoon phase of this mission trip forever, right? Wrong. I am in the reality stage, the stage where I start feeling inadequate and the funding seems impossible. I was going to be the one with all the upbeat blogs, the one who somehow found all this support and didn’t have to stress. I was gravely mistaken. I’m going to be honest. This is hard. I have no control over the final outcome, I don’t know how the $14,800 is going to come in. I tell everyone it will just happen, but will it? How easy is it to say it but not really believe it.
That’s where I am, the reality that I have only been putting on this happy “rainbows and butterflies” everything is going to work out face, when in fact, I don’t know. I am so sure that I have been called to this trip but that doesn’t make it any easier when doubt sets in and you begin to wonder – is this what I am supposed to be doing? But, I can’t shake the feeling that I am exactly where I am supposed to be and doing exactly what I am called to do.
I find myself reading the blogs and stories about God’s provision, and find myself thinking, “too bad that stuff never happens to me.” Why not me? Why do I let myself get defeated before I even try to have the faith that God is going to do something like that in my life? I admit I am scared. I don’t like to admit that I’m scared for two reasons – 1) I know that fear is not of the Lord and I don’t want people to think that I’m not ready for this because I still have fears and 2) Admitting that I am scared means that I have to be real. Completely real with what I’m dealing with. I want to be the one that helps others, not the one that needs help…
But to be 100% real … I can’t do this without your help. Without your support, I won’t be able to go and do what God has called me to do. I want to have the faith that this mission trip requires, I have so much work to do to be where I need to be, but this is me being real. I can’t keep thinking that I believe God is going to provide the funding without first being willing to step out there, putting my faith in Him to do what He has assured me He will do. I didn’t really want to start asking for help yet, but that was because I didn’t want to get my hopes up when I am so unsure right now that I deserve this. However, I don’t think I am ever going to deserve this, but the people of the world deserve to hear the name of Jesus, maybe for the first time. I am not the only one that can do this, but I know that I have been called to such a time as this. Please friends, family, blog readers who may not even know me … if you feel led to become part of what God is doing in the world and in my life, please consider supporting me in your prayers and/or financially.
Hebrews 11:1
Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
Thank you so much, you will never know how much I value your support as I embark on this journey, and I know that God will bless any prayers you send up and any amount of money that you can donate. You are going to be a part of something so much greater as you partner with myself and this ministry, and I thank you for that so very much!
