Reality is beginning to set in as I pondered on how to answer a question posed by one of my supporters. He asked me how many months will it be for monthly supporters. Wow…honestly…I hadn’t thought about this. I’m actually leaving for 11 months. Away from the comforts of America…away from family…away from friends…away from everything, and everyone I’ve ever known. I’m charting into an unknown place…unfamiliar territory, with unfamiliar people. Then the Lord spoke oh so gently to my struggling heart… “You are going into a season of unfamiliarity…but you are going in with a familiar God…”
Torn is the word that describes me today. Torn, as defined by google is this: 1) Pull or rip (something) apart or to pieces with force. 2) Produce tears. So, I’ve been told all my life that “I’m called” and “God sure has a calling on your life”, and like statements, however, it wasn’t until just a few years ago that I began to see it…to believe it. Ever since the Lord revealed it to me, I’ve wanted to go but the doors just were not open. Now that I’m going, my heart begins to grieve. After all…this is what I prayed for…right? I asked to be sent. I’ve asked to go. I’ve submitted myself under His will and He is answering my prayers but I wasn’t expecting these emotions…this tearing.
I am being ripped apart with force from my comfort zone. I am being pulled to pieces, shattered to the core. These two verses come to mind: Jeremiah 23:29 and Ezekiel 36:26. God has begun a process deep within my spirit…deep within my soul…deep within my being. He is burning up the chaff in my life. I am also gently reminded of the verse regarding the potter and the clay. Through the tearing process, my heart grieves but it also rejoices as I press on towards the upward call of Christ. I seek Him first and my heart is truly filled with peace beyond words. I praise Him for I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me. Now I’m giving all of myself back to Him. What a beautiful way to live…
Where is God taking you? Have you ever felt this way? What has God given you to strengthen you in those moments?
