I struggle with comparison. Always have. Comparison is basically the root of all my insecurities. And lately, it’s been coming from a ridiculous place.
I keep hearing about other teams on the squad and what they are doing this month, and I can’t help but compare our ministries. Two of my dear friends are on a team that is absolutely on fire— their contact has them preaching twice a day, and they have been praying freedom all over the place and seen so many lives completely changed. And when I compare our ministry to theirs, somehow I end up feeling like what we’re doing isn’t enough. Like we are inadequate and ineffective compared to them. Our ministry here has consisted of mostly hanging out with people, loving on them, praying with them, and encouraging them, and it has been amazing. But suddenly these doubts crept into my heart that that wasn’t enough.
This is the crazy part… this is exactly the ministry that I envisioned when I first started praying about the race.
Preaching and evangelism still scares me– I knew it was something I would have to do, but the ministry I was most excited about was just getting to love on people. Playing with kids and showing them the love of the Lord, because maybe no one else in the world is showing them any kind of affection. Hugging and loving on women and kids who were sick or orphaned or widowed. Those were the ministries I was most excited about. And that’s exactly what we get to do this month! I should be absolutely bursting with joy that the Lord blessed me with exactly what my heart desired! But somehow the enemy twisted it, and made me resent the ministry we were doing because it wasn’t as big and loud as as theirs.
So. Freaking. Ridiculous.
Like I said, I have always struggled with comparing where I’m at to where others are. And this is such a lack of faith. It’s like saying that I know better than the Lord where I should be. But the truth is, He put me here. I have to trust that as long as I’m seeking Him and throwing myself into ministry, I am doing exactly what He wants me to do. He has me here, in this ministry, for a reason. He chose me to be here. And I am so honored that I get to be a part of this ministry.
