I hate feeling
restless. I absolutely hate it. The anticipation of things that you want to
happen but really have no control over.
You just have to sit there and wait and try not to go crazy in the
process.
I feel like it turns
me into this person that I don’t want to be.
All of a sudden manipulation creeps in.
I’m striving instead of resting.
I’m longing for what I want but don’t have instead of being thankful for
what’s right in front of me.
I feel like I’m
losing. I’m lost in this “game.� I don’t even know the rules so how can I play
fairly? What is my role in being
proactive and yet waiting on the Lord?
Sometimes I don’t even know anymore.
The Lord is teaching
me patience. He’s teaching me more and
still more about what it means to be a woman at rest. He’s reminding me time and time again that He
is enough. He is really all I need in
this world.
Lately, He has drawn
me into this magnificent peace and rest.
I don’t even feel like I need to ask Him lots of questions. I sense Him calling me to just spend time
with Him, to just sit with Him in His sweet presence. I feel very protected and loved and looked
after, like a treasured daughter should.
The Father’s presence is such a safe place to be.
So I have this peace
and rest that wells up from somewhere deep down inside of me. A peace and a rest that is definitely not of
my own making. It’s there protecting me
and ministering to me when circumstances call for me to be in turmoil and
panic.
And yet still…
The restlessness
springs up, rather suddenly sometimes.
It doesn’t take that deep, strong peace away, but it causes me to lose
joy in the moment. It causes me to shift
my focus from Him to my circumstances.
So here I am. In the midst of the richness of the Father
yet still restless at times. I’m still
trying to figure out the “rules� in a lot of areas, yet I’m still pressing on
to be a woman at rest. No striving. No trying to be someone that I’m not but just
completely at peace with who I am.
And so…
“I wait for the LORD, my soul waits and in His word I put my hope. My soul waits for the LORD more than watchmen
wait for the morning, more than watchmen wait for the morning.�
Psalm 130:5-6
