I think the only way
to describe a lot of what my two weeks in Da Nang were like can summed up into one word: foggy
I feel like I was in
a weird fog most of the time. I don’t know
exactly what happened. At the end of
Cambodia and the beginning of Vietnam I was totally pumped about life. I felt so filled up and ready to just run to
the finish line of this Race taking advantage of every opportunity that I’d be
given. Somewhere in there something
shifted.
I didn’t want to be
around anyone except for a few people.
If you know anything about the WR then you know that just isn’t an
option, even when you’re living in a hotel.
I guess I thought that I was entitled to some privacy and quietness with
only 4 of us living in a room, but almost every knock on my door made my chest
tighten with stress and exhaustion with being around people would sweep over me. I’d hold my breath to help soften the blow and sometimes even
try to be friendly. I just felt tired
and unmotivated.
Those two weeks were
a lot about “making your own ministry.�
The kind of ministry where you just ask the Lord and follow wherever He
leads. You can go to the same restaurant
or coffee shop consistently and try to build relationships with people or go to
the same dress shop or smoothie stand.
Some people even went to the beach every day.
When I look back I
can unfortunately say that I did not take advantage of every opportunity that I
had. I hid a lot. From my team.
From my squadmates. I mostly just
wanted to be alone or with very few people.
I had tons of down time, yet I was extremely distracted when it came to
consistently having quiet times and talking with Jesus. I have regrets; well I guess you’d say that I
DID have regrets. We’ll talk more about
that a bit later.
I found an amazing
coffee shop called Sky Coffee and claimed it as my place of refuge. It truly is a wonderful place. The staff are so servant-hearted and the
lattes are delicious and reasonably priced.
The atmosphere was just what you look for in a good coffee shop with the
comfy couches and chairs and easily accessible plug-ins. A previous WR team really made that place
their ministry, and the staff there adored them. They have their picture up and with the sweetest smiles on their faces the staff will show you
a book they made for them. The staff didn’t speak a whole lot of
English, but smiles and acts of kindness communicated a lot more than words do
sometimes. I absolutely loved it there.
That is where I spent
a good majority of my time. There or my
hotel room. Yes, there were outings to
the grocery store and to go out to eat and to church and various things like
that. The thing is I know that I didn’t seek after the Lord hard. I didn’t put 100% into pursuing my team or creating
a unifying environment. I didn’t put my
heart into seeking ministry opportunities.
Let’s just be honest. I was
pretty lazy.
Don’t worry. The Holy Spirit convicted me of this towards
the end of our two weeks in Da Nang. I hate
having regrets. In fact, it’s one of the
main ways that I DO NOT want to live my life.
I don’t want to look back at my life in the end and see a long list of
“wish I would have, wonder what would have happened, etc.�
As I was spending some
time with Jesus one day He reminded me of a verse a fellow squadmate had read
at the beginning of our time there:
“But thanks be to God who always leads us in triumphal procession in
Christ and through us spreads everywhere the fragrance of the knowledge of Him.�
I Corinthians 2:14
How redemptive. How freeing.
God ALWAYS leads me in TRIUMPHAL
procession in Christ. He spreads EVERYWHERE the fragrance of the
knowledge of Him. Because He abides in me that means that everywhere I go, He’s there too.
This doesn’t mean
that I don’t wish those two weeks would’ve gone differently, that I’d have done
things differently. It means that godly
sorrow leads us to repentance. Guilt is
not from the Lord. Feelings like
worthlessness and dirtiness are not from our Father. Shame is not a feeling we are called to live
under as sons and daughters. Jesus took
these things from us when He died on the cross and gained the victory over them
when He rose from the dead. Now we have
NEW life. The old has gone and the new
has come! Thank you, Jesus!
“Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone,
the new has come! All this is from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of
reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to Himself in Christ, not counting men’s sins against them.
And He has committed to us the message of reconciliation.�
II
Corinthians 5:17-19
In light of these
truths I have repented (turned from my sins, going the opposite direction) and am
walking forward in freedom, learning from the things of the past and choosing
not to make the same mistakes twice.
The fog has
lifted.
