Recently there has been a lot spoken over me about the future and anxiety about the future. One thing about doing short term missions is that people always want to know what is next. It seems natural that once you have been doing something for a certain amount of time that you start to think about what comes next. I have been asked a lot before the Race and on the Race about my plans for when I get home. I have pondered over this question for many hours. Right now I have no answer. If I am being honest that scares me a little bit because this is the first time in my life I have no plans, no prospects, no anything. I can go wherever I want, do whatever I want, and be whoever I want. It’s freeing yet, terrifying.
The other night out team feedback time was to pray for the person to the right of us. We were to ask the Lord for a word of encouragement and a scripture to go along with that. I was given Isaiah 45: 8-10 and Proverbs 16: 9 separately these verses initially didn’t mean anything to me but as I sat down with them and prayed for the Lord to open my heart and reveal to me what he was trying to say. It was like a waterfall of words from the Father. There was much packed into these two chapters. I felt like they were written for just for me. I realized I had built this fear in my heart about the future. Fear of never having a “real job”, fear of becoming a disappointment, and a fear of settling. These fears lead me to want to plan every detail of my life for the next five years. But it is pretty hard to plan when you have no idea what is next. Do you see the viscous cycle?
As I was reading these passages I realized my anxiety of the future is rooted in my fear to dream. Fear that I’ll have these big dreams and the Lord will ask me to give them up. So better to have no dreams and no plans than to dream and have them taken from you. Proverbs 16:9 says “In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord directs his steps.” I realized that it is good for me to dream, the Lord wants me to dream. As I pray and I am led by Him my dream my change and alter but He gave me certain desires for a reason and it is not bad or selfish to ask and pray into them trusting that He is good and will give me the desires of my heart.
After reading these passages and having this incredible time with the Lord I opened my Facebook messenger to read a message from a friend that I never read while I was out getting internet. The timing of this could have been more perfect. He prayed for all the things the Lord was showing me and for things that started to happen last month. There was a small part of his prayer that I will share with you and ask that you would join me in praying for these things.
“But most of all I pray that you would draw her heart near this month. Help her to rest in you- to get strength from you, Jesus. You are more than enough. You bring peace that passes all understanding. I pray that as Jessica thinks about the future that you would reaffirm the passions you have placed inside her heart. Jesus, free her to dream with you without fear. Involve her in the process. Spill the dreams back and forth from your heart to hers and give her a deep trust in your goodness and faithfulness. Lord, I praise you for the awesome story you are weaving in her life right now. I pray expectantly and in hope- knowing that you have her future in your hands.”
Please also pray that I would hear clearly from the Lord in whatever he is telling me about what comes next. Pray that things would already be aligning and falling into place for when I return to the States. Pray that God would open all the doors that need to be open and close all the ones that need to be closed and that I would have peace in my heart knowing that the Lord is good and faithful and is plans for me are good.
