Dependent – unable to do without. In need of support of something.
Mon the last three days I have never felt so dependent on people in my life. It is humbling to not only need help but I have people willingly give it to you and encourage you along.
The day we got to our village in Nepal I fell sick with some twenty four hour sickness. It was awful. I was running a fever of one hundred and one and I was sick out of both ends. I body was in so much pain moving in and out of my bed to get to the toilet took all my energy. My team continuously checked on me, allowed me the space to rest(mostly sleep), they even found me apple juice in the tiny convenient store a little ways from our house. Thankfully my fever broke the next day meaning I would be able to join my team on our three hour hike to a church fellowship in the mountains. I should have known this was a mistake, but I really want to trek. After all, how many propel get to trek all the way to China (Tibet), which is what we ended up doing.
Weak from fever and sickness as well as not having eaten much or had much to drink on top of the tallest mountain I have climbed being Stone Mountain, you could say I struggled a little bit…or a lot. Nausea and light headedness set in about halfway through our journey. My teammate carried my day pack, found me fresh water, climbed incredibly slow with me until I reached our destination.
When we finally reached home I was never so excited to blow up my sleeping mat and crawl into my sleeping bag. I fell asleep around 8:30/9pm hopping to regain some strength for our hike to church the next morning. To make a long story short this hike was somewhat a struggle as well. I have discovered that my body and this altitude to mix well. Nausea and dizziness have become my new normal when trekking. I have had a hard time trying to stay properly hydrated and nourished due to lack of available water and appetite.
I am weak. I hate feeling weaker than others. In my head I feel like I’m holding everyone back. Like I am a burden. I have always been able to keep up for the most part or rest regain some strength and be ok. The Himalayas are a whole new game. I know my body will get stronger but there is nothing I can do about the altitude and how my body reacts to it. AND. IT. SUCKS.
This dependency I have on my team when we trek is the same dependency the Lord wants me to have on him. A dependency that literally looks like I can’t to anything if you aren’t with me. If He don’t show up, if He doesn’t move nothing is going to happen. Before Nepal I would have said that I had gotten to a point where I was really dependent on the Lord. Through trekking and being sick God is showing me how much I still depend on myself for a lot of things. Dependency is a journey like everything else.
Seeing how well my team encourages me, takes care of me, and helps me along is so humbling. But I see in them the love of the Father. I see it when they take of my daypack lightening my load so I can climb better just as Christ takes on my burdens. I see it when they stop and rest with me, laughing and singing, not making me feel bad. Just as Christ allows us to rest in Him and lean on Him when we are weak. I see it in how the care for me, just like the Father care for me.
It hasn’t been an easy journey but it has been so worth it. From bonding with my team (and team Renovate) to seeing parts of the world that look like a National Geographic special to getting to pray with and share a meal with some incredible Nepali people who truly love the Lord.
Therefore I delight in my weakness…for when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:10
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