In Quietness and Trust Is Your Strength

I have always known the importance of rest, quiet time, and/or alone time. As an introvert I have mastered alone time.

Recently I have learned the difference between quiet, alone time and quality time. How they can be the same but also very different.

It has been no secret that these last two weeks have been challenging…and when I say challenging I mean hard, nearly impossible. We have been having some challenges on our team with one person and her tendency to explode on us as a team and on me in particular. This most recent explosion not only left me wounded but questioning everything.

I questioned if community was worth it. I questioned if vulnerability was worth it. If the pain was worth it. If the where the Lord was taking me was worth it. My mind was literally racing for days. I was restless, I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t sit still. I felt like a hot mess. My time with The Lord was a struggle. I couldn’t hear Him through the static in my head. I couldn’t worship because my mind was racing non stop.

Eventually my time with The Lord became a short prayer. “Lord help through this day. I’m so exhausted. Give me wisdom when I speak. Help me to understand what is going on in my heart and in my team.” Faithful as ever He came through as always. Each day I had the strength to make it to the end. With each passing day His voice became clearer and clearer. I still felt like a hot mess but I was able to slowly begin to see what was happening in my heart and in my team.

You see the enemy doesn’t play fair. He attacks the tiniest weak point he can get his fingers into. For my that was my trust. Trust in my team, trust in myself, and trust in The Lord. In my last blog I wrote about saying “yes” to what The Lord was doing no matter what the cost and a few short days after that I was questioning that. The enemy also attacked my time with The Lord. Filling my head with the endless static of my restless thoughts. Feeling like I couldn’t hear from The Lord made me feel far from Him even though I know He was near. My restless thoughts made it hard for me to sleep making me less likely to get up and spend time with The Lord.

Yesterday I had a perfect day. I slept in. I was able to listen to a couple of podscasts, worship, and just relax in the day that The Lord had made. I my mind finally stopped racing. I could sift through all the things The Lord had spoken to me through the static of last week and shift through all that was going on in my heart. As I sat in my hammock enjoying the beauty of His creation I heard Him whisper “in quietness and trust is your strength”.

Yesterday I had quality time with The Lord. I not only talked to Him but I listened to Him and I heard Him speak I felt free for the first time in days to just be with Him. I felt Him laugh. I felt that feeling between friends of not needing to say anything but just be in each others presence. I felt Him with me the entire day. I felt free and my heart was filled with love and spirit with joy.

When I felt like I was drowning and on the verge of breaking He was my strength. He guided each step. He turned my mourning (the static, the confusion, the fear the doubt) into dancing and my sorrow (my restlessness, my questioning) to joy.

He is forever faithful and I am forever grateful.

In repentance and rest is your salvation,
in quietness and trust is your strength.
Isaiah 30:15

You turned my wailing into dancing;
you removed my sackcloth
and clothed me with joy,
that my heart may sing to you and not
be silent.
O Lord my God, I will give you
thanks forever.
Psalm 30:11-12