I’m not sure when exactly it happened. All I know is I was sitting on the floor desperately asking for The Lord to show up and He did.
It was one of those days where you can’t quite seem to turn off your brain not matter how hard you try. Even if you manage to quiet your thoughts for a minute or two there is still a constant static buzzing in you head. I had been processing through some things that The Lord had laid on my heart. Deep things. Heart issue things. I hadn’t had much space or time to do this and I was desperate for revelation, for truth, for healing, for God to speak to my heart.
Each Thursday in Transnistria we attended prayer meeting at the church. I’d experienced The Lord in that place once before and have seen Him moving in the people around me. It was this night, September 17th, that The Lord unleashed something deep within my heart. He brought so much revelation it crushed me. All I could to was sit and sob and wait because I knew more was coming. Each time something was revealed it was like a blow to my heart. I could physically feel my heart hurt. I could feel each wound like it was the first time, but with each blow to my heart came a rushing and overwhelming feeling of love from The Father. I knew what was happening was good and that it would eventually lead me to healing and to freedom.
I knew these things that were being revealed were things to be remembered. Things I would need to know specifically because in each of them lay the root of the pain my heart was still holding onto. So like any twenty-somethings living in this century I whipped out my iPhone and wrote each of these things in my notes titling it “The List”. After that night I didn’t revisit that list for almost a week. There was too much there to take on.
After several talks with The Lord and a really awesome conversation with my friend Megan I have come to see that this place I’m about to walk into is completely unknown territory. The Lord has told me that this place requires a new and deeper trust in Him. Not only in Him but in myself and the people He has placed around me for this season. He reminded me of a two passages in Isaiah that he promised me over a year ago.
Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of The Lord rises upon you. See, darkness covers the earth and thick darkness is over the peoples, but The Lord rises upon you and his glory appears over you. Then you will look and be radiant, your heart will throb and swell with joy; the wealth on the seas will be brought to you, to you the riches of the nations will come. Foreigners will rebuild your walls and their kings will serve you. Though in anger I struck you, in favor I will show you compassion. Your gates will always stand open, they will never be shut, day or night, so that people may bring you the wealth of nations their kings led in triumphal procession. The children of your oppressions will come bowing before you; all who despise you will bow down at your feet and will call you the City of The Lord, Zion of the Holy One of Israel. Although you have been forsaken and hated, with no on traveling through, I will make you the everlasting pride and joy of all generations. Instead of bronze I will bring you gold, and silver in place of iron. Instead of wood I will bring you bronze and iron in place of stones. I will make peace your governor and well-being your ruler. No longer will violence be heard in your land, nor ruin or destruction within your boarders, but you will call your walls Salvation and your gates Praise. I am The Lord; in its time will do this swiftly. (Isaiah 60: 1-2,5,10-11,14-15,17-18,22b)
You will be a crown of splendor in the Lord’s hand, a royal diadem in the hand of your God. No longer will they call you Deserted, or name your land Desolate. But you will be called Hephzibah, and your land Beulah; for The Lord will take delight in your and your land will be married. (Isaiah 62:3-4)
The time is now, this community and these people are the strangers, and my heart is the land. I would be lying to you if I told you I wasn’t a little (or a lot) scared. But I know The Lord is faithful and will fulfill his promises and his promises are good. So I say “yes” to the process no matter how daunting it may see and “yes” the pain and confusion when it comes and “yes” to The Lord because I know He is faithful, He is sovereign, and He is good.
