Have you ever had The Lord press something on your heart that seems out of your character?
For the last few years people have been speaking things over me like singing and dancing and writing and how those things will be used for The Lord specifically in worship. Each time saying to myself “Lord I think these people have heard you wrong. I’m none of those things. Sure I like to sing, but I’m not a singer. I like to dance but my dancing is more along the lines of Taylor Swift than graceful ballerina. And writing that can’t be right. I don’t have a single poetic or story writing bone in body. Sure I like to write out thoughts but that’s mostly it.”
So I ignored these words and continued on with my life…until now.
At training camp two words were giving to me about singing and dancing with/for The Lord. I can no longer ignore these words. Still confused because I am not a singer nor am I a dancer but The Lord clearly has something for me in this area. So I began to ask him. “Lord you know me. You know my heart and you know my abilities. What is it you want from me?”
Since being on the race The Lord has given me this huge heart for worship. He has given me this desire to dive into this and explore more and more about worship and creative worship. I don’t know what that looks like. I don’t know if that is singing, if that is playing an instrument, or if that is just cultivating a lifestyle of worship.
One thing that The Lord has really place on my heart is singing and playing an instrument. Again I don’t know what this looks like and it scares me a little bit. I have always felt like my singing was something private between me and Jesus. When I really sing in worship it comes from such a deep and special place that is has always been just for me and The Lord.
Do I think that I’m going to be a worship leader by the end of my race? No. That is just not in my heart. But maybe He is doing something through how I worship. Maybe seeing how freely and intimately I worship The Lord will give someone else that same courage. I don’t know. All I know is that this is something he has called me to for now.
Please pray for me as I pursue this. Pray that my heart would stay in a place of confident humility. That I would walk in confidence that this is something The Lord has called me into and to do that with boldness. That I would have a humble heart that continues to desire that special intimate place that is just me and Jesus. Pray that if He is calling me to learn a new skill or worship in a new way that would do it. This is brand new territory for me and honestly I am a little nervous. Please keep me accountable. Ask me periodically how it is going and what The Lord is showing me through it.
There is a line in the song “Shepard” by Bethel Music that says “Good Shepard of my soul, take my hand and lead me on.” This is my prayer for this new adventure with The Lord. That he would just take my hand and lead me because I have no idea what this looks like or how to navigate this. All I know is that if He doesn’t lead than this isn’t going anywhere and if He doesn’t show up nothing is going to happen. But I know He will because that is who He is and He is faithful to do what He says He will do in His perfect timing. So pray that I would trust that.
