I thought that I would go on a trip to travel the world that God created.
I thought that I would go on a trip to run away from the life that I used to live.
I thought that I would go on a trip to “start over” where no one knew me… or my past.
I thought that I would go on a trip to change.
That would only describe why I came on this trip but that’s not what happened.
About six months ago I got into a wreck. I was in a head on collision that I didn’t even see coming. Everything was totaled and from that moment on my life never looked the same. I got in a wreck and my life was destroyed. This wreck is called…
THE WORLD RACE!
Before I even got on the plane to Quito, Ecuador six months ago God started wrecking my life. Tearing down walls that had been started many years ago and just built onto since then. I’ve cried more in the last six months than I ever have in my entire life. There have been tears of sadness, tears of joy, tears of anger, and tears of everything in between.
If you remember my previous blog about not being too excited about this ministry and God telling me to love these children and to love them well… well that’s what I’ve prayed for. I’ve prayed that God would just break my heart for these children. I’ve prayed that God would allow me to love until it physically hurt. That’s exactly what He gave me. I have spent the last two nights lying on my bed crying my eyes out. (tears of the everything in between) About 2 weeks ago I met a little boy. We’ll call him “W” because by I’m not allowed to say his name (by law). From the moment he fell asleep in my arms on our way back to the house, I fell in love. I’ve had those times when I thought I want this child or this one to come home with me but this was so different. When I was holding him all I could think about is I want this little boy to call me “mommy.” My heart is broken because I have to leave this place knowing that there’s a little boy here that I want to call my son. I’ve been broken. “W” is being adopted soon and will move to Denmark with his new family. I could not be happier that he is being adopted, but my heart is still breaking.
If you remember my previous blog about not being too excited about this ministry and God telling me to love these children and to love them well… well that’s what I’ve prayed for. I’ve prayed that God would just break my heart for these children. I’ve prayed that God would allow me to love until it physically hurt. That’s exactly what He gave me. I have spent the last two nights lying on my bed crying my eyes out. (tears of the everything in between) About 2 weeks ago I met a little boy. We’ll call him “W” because by I’m not allowed to say his name (by law). From the moment he fell asleep in my arms on our way back to the house, I fell in love. I’ve had those times when I thought I want this child or this one to come home with me but this was so different. When I was holding him all I could think about is I want this little boy to call me “mommy.” My heart is broken because I have to leave this place knowing that there’s a little boy here that I want to call my son. I’ve been broken. “W” is being adopted soon and will move to Denmark with his new family. I could not be happier that he is being adopted, but my heart is still breaking.
God used this little three year old boy to give me back the desires of my heart that I lost sometime ago. Desires to be a mommy… and along with that He also brought back the desires to be a wife (but that’s another blog for another time). So one day when in God’s perfect timing… I’M GOING TO BE A MOMMY!
(internet isn’t good enough right now to upload pics but a picture of “W” is on the previous blog.)
