Yes you read that right, I don’t trust God. And I bet you don’t either. Absolutely I believe Jesus is my Savior. Sure I quit my job, sold my house, and said goodbye to my friends and family to follow Jesus around the world. But I still don’t trust the sovereign God with all aspects of my life.
If you have kept up with me on this journey then you may already be aware I have been quite sick during our time here in Nepal. Basically I have been sick all month long, the medical facilities here are less than hygienic, and the doctors have no idea what is wrong with me. Though I seem to be on the mend now, I still can’t help but wonder what was going wrong inside my body.
The Lord really put me to the test this month. A few months ago I started praying really hard that whatever else was still inside of me that needed to come out would be brought to light and dealt with during the final months of the race. Last month God brought out how much I still struggle with insecurity. This month God has shown me that when it comes to my health, I still don’t trust Him. I have worked in hospitals in America as a student and professionally for 6 years. I love the medical field and often read up about diseases, new studies, the nutrition behind it, etc. So I consider myself somewhat knowledgeable. When I have a loved one in the hospital I feel so empowered when I can go behind those “authorized personnel only” doors and I can comprehend the lingo the staff speak with. Well when you are in a third world country let me just tell you the hospital is a whole other world. I will spare you the details, but let’s just say you need Jesus on your side to make it out alive!
After falling ill this month I became terrified that maybe I had something more serious going on or would need surgery here. I did not trust my God to deliver me and take care of me, but instead I let fear have control and began to entertain thoughts of going back home to America where everything would be cleaner, better, and more comfortable for me. In America I could have more control over the situation. I would be able to understand the doctor and he would understand me. I would know what sort of tests I needed and understand the results and receive medication actually approved by the FDA and not with red warning labels on the package that it is known to cause cancer. But I was putting my hope into myself and American health care standards rather than the Almighty God. I am still wrestling with allowing God to work in my life and stop wondering about the health effects this trip may have on me tomorrow. God is good, all the time. He will never leave us or forsake us. When God is sending Joshua out to lead the Israelites in Joshua Chapter 1 He tells him over and over again “be courageous, do not fear”. God has sent me out on this journey and I know He is telling me not to be afraid but to take courage in Him. When I worry about my future, my finances, my health then I do not trust God and that fear isn’t pleasing to Him.
What areas in your life are you not trusting God and not wanting to give Him control? What is causing you to fear? Ask God to help you trust Him in that area and He will be faithful to do so. After writing most of this blog last night, my team and I visited a church this morning and heard a sermon on Matthew 8:23-27. The disciples followed Jesus without hesitation onto the boat. But when things got rocky the disciples panicked during the storm and thought they were going to drown, all the while Jesus is peacefully asleep on the boat. Jesus may be asleep, but He is still on your boat! When times seem trying, know that Jesus will always still be on your side. He allows us to experience storms to train us for the next level of endeavors and increase our trust in Him. He loves us enough to let us go through difficulties that ultimately bring us closer to Him. Allow God to increase your faith and hang on through the storms!
