This month God has really been dealing with me about my selfish nature and need for control. I like to always know the details of our plans and what is happening next, and I'm often frustrated when those plans don't come to pass (which is almost always on the race lol). Instead of this getting easier as the race goes on it has only gotten harder. At home in my old life I had my routine and a normal schedule. Here, things are always up in the air and dependent on 6 other individuals and their desires and plans. Then you don't have a clue where anything is, you can't speak the language, and by time you get somewhere you've gotta come back for "team time". A loss of my independence has become a real struggle for me. After all the years I've lived alone and been able to completely come and go when and how I please, this is a tough life adaptation.
But as God has been changing me to look more and more like Jesus, He is showing me this is a selfish trait still inside of me. It's time for me to lay down my expectations of entitlement and serve my team mates better, rely on The Lord that He has my best interests in mind, and learn to depend on my team mates and let go of the grip of control I still think I need over my time. My life is not my own, I signed up to pursue Jesus fulltime this year. So God has told me to take off my watch and go with the flow. Relax and let Him have His rightful spot in the driver's seat. It's a lesson on learning to trust The Lord in a new way, put the wants and needs of others above myself, and let the potter continue to mold His clay.
"So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is renewed day by day. For this light, momentary affliction is preparing us for an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to those that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal. " 2 Corinthians 4:16-18
