" For this world is not our home, we are looking forward to our city in heaven, which is yet to come." Hebrews 13:14
Last week I was faced with one of the inevitable pains of this life, the loss of a friend, the end of their breath on this earth. While I had not spent time with Dustin White in quite a while, this news nevertheless shook me to the very core. It is so easy to forget that these are fragile, temporary bodies. We aren't created to last forever in this world. We were created only to complete the purposes of God and return to Him in Heaven, where He promises us in Revelation 21:4, " He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." There is nothing on this earth that is not temporary except what we do for God, and this reminder of that fact only made me feel more confirmed that despite everything the race has cost me- my home, my job, leaving friends and family… It is completely worth it.
Nevertheless, this loss stirred a wide range of emotions for me. While I mourned at the loss of Dustin, it also brought back to light an entire previous chapter in my life. This was a person from a time in my life I had left behind. A season I had grown away from and taken a different path. And a season in my life where I was not walking with the Lord in a way that would honor my Savior. So this forced me to face my past. I am not at all who I was back in college. And while I am thankful to God for all He has redeemed in me in recent years, I was suddenly faced head on with the loss of that old person I used to be. I hadn't thought it was ok to miss those times since I know a lot of the things I did weren't pleasing to the Lord, but still last weekend I found myself mourning the wild, crazy fun times that are now only memories. Mourning, in a way, the loss of youth and innocense. And mourning for this person that I used to be that now I can hardly remember. And after I grieved for these things, I felt such a peace. Shame for this season and for even remembering the good in it, was removed as well. Though I took the rocky path, I know I am where God wants me to be at just the right time.
"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!" 2 Corinthians 5:17
God made it clear to me at training camp that He is ready to take me to a deeper place with Him, and I feel like this was part of getting me ready for that. Letting go of who I once was so I can be fully ready to embrace all God wants me to be now, all He created me to be. Letting go of the former things so my hands and spirit are wide open to receive all my Jesus wants to give me now. I can't wait Lord, take me deeper, let me know Your love more. I know this world is not my home. My home is with You, Lord. And I will follow You whevever You lead me. My new adventure with You doesn't start in January 2013, it has already begun.
