Throughout my childhood and adolescence, I was a very independent person. I learned quickly that if I wanted to get a job done timely and correctly then it was probably best if I did it myself. This carried into college with organizations and group projects. I trusted in myself and my abilities.
During my first seven months on the Race, I learned to trust God. It was very difficult for me to give up my “control” and to just trust him. I knew in my head that he wanted what is best for me and to bless me but it was hard to get my heart to believe it. I finally came to a jolting revelation while reading through the book of Matthew.
“Immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowd. After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. Later that night, he was there alone, and the boat was already a considerable distance from land, buffeted by the waves because the wind was against it.
Shortly before dawn Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. ‘It’s a ghost,’ they said, and cried out in fear.
But Jesus immediately said to them: ‘Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.’
‘Lord, if it’s you,’ Peter replied, ‘tell me to come to you on the water.’
‘Come,’ he said.
Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, ‘Lord, save me!’
Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. ‘You of little faith,’ he said, ‘why did you doubt?’
And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. Then those who were in the boat worshipped him, saying, ‘Truly you are the Son of God.’” – Matthew 14:22-33
It is easy for us to trust God when everything is going as planned. When the water is smooth, we are confident. As soon as the wind blows our uncertainty builds. We lose our trust and cry out to the Lord instead of trusting in his plans. Of course, as soon as we cry out he will catch us but he wants more than that. He wants us to trust him enough to keep walking and to know that he will accomplish his plans.
I don’t think Jesus was angry when he said, “You of little faith, why did you doubt?” I think his heart was broken. He wanted so desperately for Peter to understand his love for him. He would never let Peter drown.
He will never let us drown either. He loves us and has plans for us, so let’s have faith and trust Him.
