The service ended and I stood up to pray for the members of the congregation. Every night I pray for fifteen to twenty people. Every night I pray for the same things. People want to be blessed by the Americans. They want spiritual growth and success. They need healing for their fevers and body pains. Our team has gotten used to all the praying and has hoped to see God’s power work in the people we pray for.
As I laid my hands on people’s heads, I prayed for direction on what to pray over them. People lined up and I began praying. Then in front of me appeared a woman; she drew me in with her quiet English speaking and expressive brown eyes. At first I was so focused on the fact she was speaking English I almost missed what she said altogether.
“My husband is drinker. Health is no good.”
As she tried to continue, her head fell and tears formed in her eyes. She couldn’t finish telling me her prayer request, but I didn’t need to hear anymore. I put my hand on her shoulder and tenderly said I would pray for her. Her honesty and vulnerability had surprised and humbled me. It brought out the roaring Spirit of God within me. The words flowed out of my mouth with such eloquence and authority; I knew it was not me.
This was not the first time I felt overtaken by the Spirit to pray for someone, but it was certainly a memorable one. Matthew 10:20 says, “For it is not you who speak, but the Spirit of your Father speaking through you.” One of the most splendid parts of ministry this month has been the moments where this has happened. This particular time has caused me to stop and reflect.
For the past few months, people on the squad have referred to me as a prayer warrior. This is a title I have never owned or condoned. Before I left for the race, prayer often fell to the bottom of my priority list, so it often only happened as I drifted off to sleep. It didn’t make sense to me why people were describing me as a prayer warrior. I definitely knew (thought) it wasn’t true. Yet, this blog has helped me put my prayer life over the past couple years into perspective.
My prayer life is definitely different here on the race than it has ever been before. It has been one of my most enjoyable growing points. God is teaching and stretching me in prayer. He’s been calling me to be a prayer warrior since the summer of 2011 when I was a part of a discipleship program. Yet, it seemed no matter what I tried over the years I couldn’t make it a consistent part of my schedule. I put reminders on my phone. I prayed as soon as I saw requests from people on facebook. I downloaded a prayer app for my phone, but it never felt like enough.
And there are two reasons for that.
One, because I wasn’t praying for hours a day, it didn’t seem like enough. My mentality often falls to the, “If you aren’t doing it right (or enough), then stop trying.” It is a tough mentality to break out of, especially when I so frequently mess things up.
Second, I made prayer another task on my to-do list: a to-do list that was overflowing with jobs, school, friends, and organizations. A task had nothing to do with what my heart wanted.
When I connect all the dots I see that my most prayerful moments are ones that come from my heart. The desire to pray to my Father in Heaven comes when the prayer matters greatly to me. When I pray for fifteen people in a night that I don’t know, my heart doesn’t cry out to God for them. However, that changes when my heart is able to connect to them either through something they say or the Spirit of God just coming into my heart with love for the person. Without that connection to my spirit, prayer feels monotonous.
Early on in college, I led a devotion for my small group on prayer. We discussed whether we went to God more in the good or bad times. I had been unsure of my answer because I really loved to tell God how beautiful things were. In the bad times, I felt alone and like I had to handle everything myself. Three years later and much wiser, that is no longer the case. But the question still begs to be asked of all of us:
Do you seek God in the good or the bad?
What is stopping you from connecting with God?
