Standing knee-deep in cold water and surrounded
by kids, I look in front of me to see my team leader digging a trench. We’re
both doing ministry, but it looks vastly different and I feel guilty. He is
laboring away and I’m trying not to get my hair in the pee-colored water. This
difference in ministry inspires me to fully engage with the kids in the pool,
even though it’s barely big enough for the nine of us. I begin grabbing the boys’
ankles as they chase the girls around. I find myself falling straight into the
water face first. I come up laughing at the ridiculousness of it all.
All morning I had been reminding myself to choose joy. Cutting out
triangles for craft time, I pondered what was making that choice so hard. I
feel purposeless. What difference am I making here? I don’t think I’ve
ever realized how important having a purpose was to me, probably because I’ve
always had one. I knew what my place was in Tulsa. I was a Golden Hurricane,
involved in the marching band and Reslife. I was whole-heartedly committed to
the three ministries I was involved with. I poured myself into my Pathways
community over the last year. I knew my place in each one of those. Here, I
honestly don’t have a clue. I dont know my giftings well enough to use them in
this community.
Last year, I heard a message about the will of God. It was simple,
yet profound. His word clearly states what His will is for us: Rejoice always,
pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is Gods will for
you in Christ Jesus. (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18) One of my favorite researchers
and writers, Brene Brown, says that to have joy we must have an attitude of
gratitude. When we are focused on our blessings, we dont have time to dwell on
the bad. Back in high school I had a blessings blog where I would write down
five things every day that I was thankful for. It was an idea I had come up
with to try to battle my depression. Some days it was really hard to find
anything I was thankful for, but some days it was easy as pie. So I challenge
you to do just that this week and see what a difference it makes. We will do
this together.
I am still about $2,400 away from my next deadline which is September 30. Please consider donating to me or spreading the word to people who may want to help. I know I have been called to this mission and I barely feel like I’ve begun. I don’t want to miss out on the rest of the Race.
