The Real Jessi Marquez

My heart and my soul, I give You control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise, become my embrace
To love You from the inside out
Your will above all else, my purpose remains
The art of losing myself in bringing you praise

This is my testimony, this is The Real Jessi Marquez...

I was addicted to Affirmation. Mark 8:36 says:
 "What does a man benefit if he gains the whole world and loses his own soul."
Spring of 2009 my identity lied in the hands of those around me. Screaming to God while sobbing in my room 
at 5am, I cried out "God, where are you?"


I grew up in a Christian home and I never questioned the truth that God existed. However, I was far from 
being in a relationship with Him. Throughout highschool I defined myself by who I dated, and lied constantly
 to myself and others....desperate for approval. In college I continued down the spiral of dysfunctional 
relationships and settled for rock bottom treatment, as long as I wasn't alone. 
My friends joked about me being a serial dater, 
and my identity matched the current flavor of the month. I was the life of the party, and that was the core to my reputation.


When it came time to start a career I did what I knew best...I worked in 
parties and event planning. Within the next two years I had completely lost 
ALL sense of self. I wore whatever would get me a compliment, meaning I 
was a complete comeleon to my surroundings. Upper East Side Prepster, 
Lower East side Hipster. The success of a good night was whether or not 
I got myself and my friends into an exclusive party. Making a good salary, 
yet unable to pay my rent because all of my money went to clothing and 
shopping my life became a disaster. My long term relationship ended and
 I began going on "missions" with my friends, seeking the approval of any
 guy in the bar.

I was exhausted, filled with anxiety, and teetering depression.

One morning I read the book the shack on the subway heading to work. I started sobbing as I flipped through 
the pages. Reading about the unique relationship with God, my heart started to literally pound out of my chest. 
One night, alone in my room, feeling defeated I sobbed out to God 
"WHERE ARE YOU? I DON'T KNOW YOU! I DONT WANT TO FEEL LIKE THIS ANYMORE..."
I then cried into my pillow and whispered "Jesus...please take away this pain."
Long story short...a few weeks later The World Race fell into my lap. It would require me to abandon 
everything that I deemed important. I would have to quit my job, leave my friends and family, move out of my 
apartment, and most of all...lose my identity in the nightlife industry- completely go off the radar. I would live a 
radically different life as a missionary traveling the world for a year.
The day I found out about the World Race was the same day I applied. I knew it was now or never. 

One moment that will always remain with me was during training camp for the race. Every single worship 
service I was crying, my heart was just aching. Our squad leader Robby was praying with me after one of 
our activities and he said "Jessi...God wants me to tell you that you don't need to fear being alone. That He 
is always with you." I stood there in awe...wondering how he could know that was something I was facing. 
That night I sat down with my face in my hands during a worship service. I said 

Then I had a vision of these large hands picking me up and I heard God say " Jessi...all the times that you 
thought you were so far from me...I've been reaching out to you and just been waiting for you to allow me to 
pick you up. Now that you are in my arms, I want you to know that you will experience a glimpse of my love for
 you when you pick up the orphans whose hands are stretched towards you."


I can honestly say that I am not the same person that I
 was a year ago, or even a month ago. Every day God 
is working in me, and the freedom I feel is unexplainable. 
I can not ever understand the relentless love God 
has for me, but my heart has broken for so many hurting
 people while i've been on the world race. Every time
 I have cried over the suffering of an absolute stranger...
I cant help but think about the love that God has for 
me, there is just nothing like it in the world.

Romans 8:38 says:
"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels 
nor demons,neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 
neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be 
able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our
 Lord."
God is pursuing your heart, and I promise you that nothing 
compares to the love he has for you. If there is a striving for 
something more inside of you....whether its business success, 
the approval of friends, or questions in your identity. If you are in a 
relationship that leaves you feeling empty...
I urge you to just give it up to God. Because I can promise you, 
that emptiness you feel...can only be filled by the Love Jesus has 
for you....and nothing else will satisfy.

I am Jessi, this is my story- what's yours?