So I’m beginning to think that I might have one huge realization each month- hopefully more, but definitely one. It’s almost as if everything I’ve learned can be narrowed down into one huge enveloping idea.
This month I have discovered a huge contradiction in my life. I am a person who places high values on facts, knowledge, & information. When I am unsure of something, I immediately seek out the answer. When presented with a decision, before I give an answer or come to a conclusion, I want all the facts. I never make an uninformed decision. This notion trickles down to even the most trivial decisions such as what to eat for lunch or what order to put my DVDs in. It’s exhaustive to the point of annoyance at times. So therefore, I am having a hard time processing why my faith, the supposed most important area of my life, is not held to the same standards.
Christianity was something I was born into. I didn’t have to search for it; I didn’t have to make this decision on my own. Since I can I remember, I’ve “known” Jesus. I’ve “lived” for Him. I’ve gone to Christian school. I’ve gone to church. I didn’t do bad things, all under the name of this lifestyle which I adopted- no questions asked. I’ve gone my entire life obeying & living under jurisdiction of a religion that I’ve never actually taken the time to know for myself. I’ve taken the words of my parents, teachers, pastors, friends, authors, & even strangers as infallible. If someone told me something about the Bible, I most likely believed it. I can’t even decide what to wear without looking at the weather & weighing the pros & cons of each choice. So it is completely baffling that I’ve surrendered my life to something without truly reading, studying, learning, & discussing all its intricacies.
Well, it stops today. It absolutely stops. I find myself in a place where I want more. I want change. I want passion. This is the start of me owning my faith. I will no longer be a Christian because my family is or because I feel like it’s the right thing to do. I will be a Christian because I’ve studied the Bible, I’ve been touched by its words, I’ve seen Christ alive in me & I want to live my life for it.
I believe with this- change & passion will come. It just makes sense. Think about it. You like to talk about things you know about. When you are knowledgeable about something you become more engaged in it. You think about it more, you talk about it more- it becomes a greater part of your life. This is what I want for myself, for my faith. So starting today I’m putting forth the effort. I’m dedicated to the pursuit of knowledge in Christ. Which means I am starting to read my Bible & I mean really read not just flip through the Psalms every now & then. I am starting at the beginning & reading chronologically till the end. I am ready to learn. I am ready to experience this thing for real.
